Bless the Broken Road
by Kaits1789
Summary: SPOILERS THRU LOSING MY RELIGION! WARNING: DEALS WITH SEXUAL ABUSE AND RAPE! After Meredith experiences the worst night of her life, someone has to pick up the pieces. Derek tries, and helps some, but Addison has something in common can she help? MerDer
1. Crash and Burn

Disclaimer: I do not own _Grey's Anatomy, _the characters from the show, or the title of this fan fiction and the title of the songs used as chapter titles. I own only original characters, parts of the plotline, and the computer used to type this story on. I use these works for my entertainment and no commercial purposes. Bows to Shonda for creating such an amazing work of fiction that she is borrowing without permission.

A/N: So, my first ever _Grey's Anatomy_ Fan Fiction. I warn you that it may not be perfect, yet I do take kindly to any and all constructive criticism. Flames will make me cry and I won't be happy, yet I will accept them. Then pretend I never saw them. You've been warned. Thing two: This fan fiction is a **_Mer/Der _**fan fiction…meaning Meredith and Derek are the main couple and I don't portray Addison very well. Don't get me wrong, I adore her character, but for this story…she and Derek cannot be together in an intimate sense – yet I think I'll make her quite important, and possibly even friends with Meredith and/or Derek. We'll see. As of right now…**this is an AU**…so ignore what happened with the whole Denny and Izzie story line…We'll just have to see where I take her. No Denny though. I love the boy…but he didn't fit. However…from the finale…Derek chose Meredith/Meredith chose Derek, but he hasn't totally left Addison yet. That will be addressed.

**_WARNING:_** This fan fiction will deal with the act of sexual assault, abuse, and rape. While no graphic scenes are to be portrayed, the story in and of itself will be one that could upset someone. Consider yourself warned and read at your own risk. Keep that in mind as you begin this work of fiction.

Without further ado:

**_Bless the Broken Road _**

**Chapter One: Crash and Burn**

"_Where_ is Grey?" The Nazi shouted at the three interns standing before her. Miranda Bailey would get to the bottom of this whether the little suck ups liked it or not.

"Honest, Dr. Bailey, she hasn't been home in three or four days and, as far as I know, no one's seen her at all," George stammered out. When Bailey was mad, she was furious, and not one person wanted to mess with her.

"O'Malley, patient histories. Yang, get down to the pit, you're on sutures. Karev, go find Dr. Shepherd, the female one. She needs your help. Stevens, Dr. Burke is in need of assistance today. Now MOVE!" The short woman spat out as she turned the other direction, "Chief is gonna hear about this one." She muttered.

The Nazi moved quickly to get to Dr. Webber's office. This was the third shift Meredith Grey had missed, and truth be told, the woman was a bit worried. Meredith never missed work, and with none of her friends having any idea as to where the ambitious intern could be was quite odd. Something had to be wrong, and someone had to find Grey.

Miranda Bailey knocked at the door softly and proceeded to open it when she heard a voice telling her to enter. She opened the door to find Dr. Derek Shepherd visiting with Webber and knew she couldn't say a word around him. Shepherd had been expressing his concern at not seeing Grey since the day before and it was obvious to most everyone that he still loved her. "Drs. Webber and Shepherd, what I have can wait, sorry to interrupt, sir."

The short woman turned to duck out of the room when she heard a voice, "Ah, Dr. Bailey," it was the chief, "I think you need to stay for this."

The resident turned around to take a seat. She knew exactly where this was going.

"It seems a few members of our staff have been noticing a missing intern. Where has Meredith Grey been, Dr. Bailey?"

Miranda looked lost for words, "No one knows, sir. Her suck up friends haven't seen her since Tuesday night. That's four days with no word. She's not answering her cell phone or any pages. I should have come to you sooner, it's just that I assumed everything was fine and she'd informed someone that she'd be absent."

Bailey knew her last statement wasn't at all true, but she had to try or it would look as though she hadn't been doing part of her job, "And that's actually what I had come to discuss with you, Dr. Meredith Grey is never like this."

Shepherd let out a long, exasperated sigh, "This isn't Meredith. Did any of her friends say where she was on Tuesday night?"

"Not to me, Shepherd." Bailey spat out.

"Don't yell at me for it, Dr. Bailey. I'm worried about a colleague and friend."

"And I'm worried about a child I've known since her birth!" Richard Webber stated firmly, "So let's all remain calm and figure this out, all right?"

Derek slumped into his chair, Bailey nodded and looked directly at the chief. Webber stood up. "Shepherd, go find her friends. Get information and come back to me. Bailey, get to work. I'll inform you when we need you."

The two left the room without saying a word to one another. Derek went off in search of any of the other interns that Meredith worked with. He knew this wasn't normal, and he was worried. Anything could have happened to her in the last few days. Tuesday through to Friday. Three days where no one had seen Meredith. This wasn't right, and a gut feeling told her she was hurt.

He bumped into George O'Malley and stopped, "Ah, O'Malley, good to see you."

George offered a short nod as he started walking off to the next patient. Derek stepped in front of him, "I need to ask you something."

"I haven't seen her," George muttered softly, "I don't know where she is, what she was doing, or who she's with. I don't know if one of my best friends is alive, Dr. Shepherd, and I have work to do. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to get to it."

"O'Malley, I'm not upset with you. I just needed to know if you knew anything. Where was she Tuesday night?" The older doctor had a certain tone of desperation in his voice. He was worried, and anyone would be able to tell just from the way he spoke.

George looked at Dr. Shepherd, "She went out with that veterinarian again. It was purely because you were still with Addison. Meredith is devastated that you haven't left the woman yet. She hasn't come back since leaving Tuesday. Anything could have happened. I suggest you find her, and soon, because without her, all of us are going to go crazy."

Derek nodded. That was easier than he thought it would be…but now he had to deal with not knowing where Finn had Meredith. He went to the first place he could think – the man's house. He drove like a madman, not taking the time to worry about safety. If Meredith was at that vet's house, then Derek wouldn't hesitate finding her, scooping her into a warm embrace and never letting go.

He arrived and knocked frantically at the door. His McDreamy-do wasn't so perfect and his hand was shaking. What if Meredith wasn't there? With no answer, he kicked the door and went back to his car, just as his cell phone rang. Derek answered it and a frantic Miranda Bailey suggested he return to Seattle Grace as fast as he possibly could. Derek shook his head and drove off, not knowing what was wrong.

He walked through the front doors to see a disgruntled Izzie Stevens. She saw Derek and burst into tears, "Dr. Shepherd, it's Mer. She's here. But she was…I mean somebody…I…"

Derek didn't know what the young intern was getting at, "Stevens, slow down. Where is she? And is she even alive?"

"ER. Go. Now!"

That was all it took for Dr. Shepherd to take off at a run. Something was seriously wrong with her for Izzie Stevens to react like this, and Derek would find out what it was. He made it to the ER in record time and looked around. Yang was sobbing and Derek ran over, "What? Where's Meredith? Is she okay?"

"Somebody…they…oh my god." She murmured softly, "So fragile and innocent. Dr. Shepherd, who would do something like that to Meredith?"

Still unsure of what was happening, Shepherd looked at Yang a little closer, "Cristina, tell me what happened, please. Tell me because I'm going to be family for the day."

"Someone raped Meredith Grey. And she won't talk to a single living soul."

His jaw dropped. This couldn't happen to _his _Meredith.

_---End Chapter One---_

A/N: Thanks for reading! New chapter soon :-) Please let me know what you think and how I can improve the story!


	2. God Bless the Child

A/N: So thanks for all of the reviews! The following people reviewed since my last check: _kml57, Cuddy Cabin, SonnyCarlyJasonCourtney, KittyKat835, shOULDi, shaebay, TruLuv, kim, MarkCohenroxmyxsox, darkelf1313, styleyizzy, Greyaddict, snus, _and_ MissLindis. _I'm sorry if I missed anyone! But thank you everyone  14 reviews on one chapter…wowsahs!

Thing 2: While I can say I've dealt very closely with the rape situation and the victim, I can tell you right now that everyone copes differently. Part of how I'm portraying Meredith is how I myself responded. If someone thinks I'm not portraying it correctly, let me know, because my goal is to be as ACCURATE as possible and to NOT OFFEND anyone. So let me know. While my situation was tragic…it's nothing like what I've done to Mer. On top of that, you may notice that people are OOC, I did this partly because it's AU, but also because I've seen many people change as a result of a friend or loved one being raped. It may get closer to normal, but all involved will be profoundly changed.

Without further ado….

**Chapter Two: God Bless The Child**

_Still Unsure of what was happening, Shepherd looked at Yang a little closer, "Cristina, tell me what happened, please. Tell me because I'm going to be family for the day."_

_"Someone raped Meredith Grey. And she won't talk to a single living soul."_

_His jaw dropped. This couldn't happen to _his _Meredith._

Derek didn't know what to do. He found the nearest wall to lean against and saw his wife walk towards him. He didn't know what to say. Did Addison know yet? Would she be mad at him for caring? The man didn't know what to do. All of the interns were crowded in a small area, Dr. Webber sat in a chair close by, Miranda Bailey was watching the scene from a distance, not wanting to invade anyone's personal space.

Addison approached Derek, "You've heard about Meredith Grey, I presume." Her voice was cold, but the look on her face spoke volumes. Derek could tell she was very sorry. He nodded, awaiting news, "I'm going to do a rape examination, but I need her to open up to me. The police need her to open up. Derek, would you please come talk to her. A face she trusts could be exactly what she needs right now."

Derek was surprised at his wife's attitude. She wasn't upset that Derek was the one who might be able to reach her. She wasn't upset that Derek cared more about Meredith than work. He was pleasantly surprised at that.

"How bad does she look, Addy?"

"Derek, she's so beat up right now that I don't know how much we'll be able to take care of. She's going to have a CAT scan as soon as we can get her to consent, I have no idea where we sit with head injuries," The female Shepherd looked sympathetically at her husband, "Derek, it's not pretty."

"Be honest, Addison," There was a desperation in his voice as he stood outside of the room that was occupied by the woman he loved, "Please, be honest."

"She's beat up, Derek." Addison's voice cracked, "She doesn't look like any Meredith I've ever known. She's awake and conscious, she's responding to our voices, but won't talk to us. She kicks when you try to touch her. She's scared. She seems like a child, a tiny, little, baby."

Addison's obvious discomfort scared Derek, and that was enough to convince him that he didn't necessarily want to see what was on the other side of the door. Yet, did he have a choice? Of course not. Derek knew that he had to be with Meredith. He had to be there with the two women that he couldn't choose between. He had to be with the ones he hurt.

"Well, let's go then," He whispered softly.

Addison nodded and opened the door, "Meredith, honey, Someone's here to see you."

Derek walked over by the bed, he was careful not to touch her, "Hey, Mer. See, I told you I'd always be here." He whispered, "Can you look at me, Meredith?"

She hadn't made any movement. She hadn't acknowledged the entrance of anyone. A nurse held the post in the corner, ready to help when needed. Addison stood on one side of the bed, Derek on the other. They weren't too close – the girl needed her space, yet they were near enough for her to reach out if she needed too.

Derek did the best examination he could without being able to touch her. She was bruised all over, cuts – both infected and clean – covered her face and arms, swelling was evident all over the place. To make matters worse, blood covered parts of her body. Her hair was tangled and matted, half covering her bruised and swollen left eye. The young, vibrant surgical intern looked half dead. The man inwardly cussed himself out. Had he just told Addison he wanted the divorce instead of beating around the bush and taking his time, this never would have happened.

"Meredith, baby, can you tell me what happened?" He asked quietly, "I'm really sorry I wasn't here sooner, baby."

Meredith tried to look at him, but pain covered her face and Derek moved closer, "Don't move, Meredith. You may have spinal injuries, okay?" He whispered softly, "Just talk to me."

His voice was caring and coated with concern. Meredith opened her mouth and Addison's eyes got wide, "It hurts everywhere, and I need to take a bath."

Addison stepped closer and Derek could see Meredith try as hard as she could to retreat to the other side of the bed. He sighed, "It's okay, Sweetie. She won't hurt you."

Meredith trusted the voice. She knew it would be okay if he didn't leave. Addison to talk to the girl again, "Meredith, before I can help you, I need you to talk to us. I need your consent for a CAT scan."

Fear clouded the young intern's eyes, "Why?"

"Safety, Meredith," Addison's voice soothed, "I need to check for head and spinal injuries before I can do anything else."

"Fine," Her voice was so tiny. Derek didn't know what to do. Instinctively he started to reach his hand out to touch her, but he pulled back, knowing it could scare her more. "Do what you must," She whispered.

"I'll wait for you outside, then," He stated softly, knowing at this time of not CT would be completely clear.

"No!" She almost shouted, her voice filled with panic, "Please don't leave me. Please don't make me go alone."

"Okay, Meredith," Derek soothed, "I won't leave you. I won't ever leave you again."

The intern physically relaxed at the older doctor's words. Derek stole a glance at his wife and noted how broken she looked. He couldn't help but tell himself that it was his fault. He caught the red head's attention and mouthed a simple I'm sorry. She gave him a sad smile and a nod. Something told him that Addison wasn't mad at him and she wasn't hurting near as much over the obvious loss of their marriage as she was over the state of the young surgical intern.

No, Meredith Grey did not deserve any of this.

"Okay, well, we need to head to CT now," Addison stated softly, breaking the silence that had enveloped them all, "Meredith, Derek can come, as this is a special circumstance. We'll be leaving in just a moment."

Addison turned and stepped out of the room with Derek watching closely. He saw his wife, soon to be ex-wife, politely shoo the crowd of waiting medical personnel down the hall to the waiting room. He made a mental note to thank Addison for being doctor caring for Meredith. He saw her shoo what appeared to be the officers that were called to take Meredith's statement as well and he smiled to himself. Addy always put her patients first. No matter what.

The redhead came back into the room and Meredith jumped. Derek placed his hand on hers and removed it quickly when she gasped and pulled away, leading to her wincing in pain. "Meredith, I am so sorry. I won't touch you, I promise. But it's okay, because Addison just came back."

Addison smiled sadly at her husband's caring nature, "They're waiting for us, so we should go now. Are you ready, Meredith."

The young girl made no response, leaving Derek and Addison to just start moving. Derek didn't leave Meredith's side, even if she wouldn't respond to anyone. Her eyes were closed and she looked so hurt. Derek wanted nothing more than to scoop her into his arms and protect her from the evils of the world. Yet, he knew he couldn't. The woman he loved more than life itself wouldn't accept her touch, and that killed him.

They made their way into the elevator and Addison looked at Meredith, "Meredith, I know it hurts, and I know it's hard, but I need you to tell me exactly what happened. Not this minute, but soon. If you don't, I can't take care of you, and this will never get better. It can't unless you talk to us, okay?"

Meredith didn't give and inclination to have heard Addison, and the woman closed her eyes in defeat. Derek knew the drill for caring for rape victims – make them talk – but he also knew Addison, and caring for rape victims wasn't always her strong suit, especially if she knew the person. He never knew why, though.

The elevator doors opened and they began walking again. Derek had taken this route with patients countless times, but never before had he been this scared. He wasn't certain he could survive something being terribly wrong with Meredith. He wasn't sure that he could handle knowing that had he just left his wife the night of the prom, when Meredith chose him, this wouldn't have happened.

Meredith looked at Derek for the first time since leaving the room in the ER. He smiled at her softly, hoping to offer some reassurance. She opened her mouth and Derek's eyes rested on her face. He heard her whisper softly, "I'm sorry."

Derek closed his eyes in defeat, her voice was barely audible, "Don't be sorry. This wasn't your fault." He whispered back. Meredith was hurting and he couldn't help her…nothing could hurt more than that.

_--fine--_

A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviews and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism are very welcome :) Thank you!


	3. Dirty Little Secrets

A/N: Thank you _so _much for all of the reviews! It's so great to know that a story is being read and enjoyed I don't particularly like this chapter. I reread it numerous times, and there were moments I loved and then there were moments I hated. I took those and tweaked them to the point where it at least _worked. _

I have to say that I never thought I would willingly write a fan fiction about this topic. Yet, this feels so right. And it's helping me heal. Whatever works, right? So again, comments and criticisms are appreciated!

Finally, I was given a few questions to answer. Izzie **is still working as a surgical intern – yes.** I stated in the first A/N that I am choosing to ignore the Denny/Izzie storyline for now. I may include Denny later…if he fits in…but as of right now, he never existed. I love the man, and he's gorgeous, but it didn't fit and my original vision with this fan fiction, Izzie plays a big part…but I need her there, not out of the program. Also, **Cristina was OOC. **Yes, Cristina was crying and that caused someone to say, "Well, isn't she a person who wouldn't do that?" I was a person (and still am a person) who doesn't cry in front of _anyone._ However, when my best friend was raped by a guy we both trusted, the second I found out, I broke down for the whole world to see. I see a lot of myself in Cristina…and I think that was something she should do.

Thanks for all of the comments, though! They mean a lot!

Without further ado….

**Chapter 3: Dirty Little Secrets**

Meredith looked away. It looked to Derek as though she had more to say, but couldn't bring herself to do so. Not wanting to push it, he glanced up at Addison. She tried to give a reassuring smile, but it came out as more of an awkward glare. Derek looked away, not sure as to what the next move would be. Who was going to make the next sound?

The moved in silence for a while, but it wasn't awkward or heavy as he had expected. Instead, it was calming and more of a normal concept. The only sounds were those of the hospital. People being paged, buzzers sounding, and hushed voices soothed his nerves more than he thought they would. Meredith moved ever so slightly and Derek's eyes shot to her, mentally assessing if she was okay. Seeing no real distress, outside of what was already there, he looked away, assuming she didn't want him to talk.

They made the final turn that led to radiology for the CT. Derek sighed as they walked in the room and Addison helped to situate Meredith. Derek looked at the woman he loved and realized how truly broken she looked. She was bruised and bloody, yes, but more importantly, her eyes were void any emotion. She was dull and lifeless, almost as though she didn't care. It was obvious she had fought whatever was happening, but it was also clear that it hadn't been enough.

Derek leaned closer to her, "Meredith, the microphone is on if you get scared and need out. Addison and I will be on the other side of the glass and it won't take long, okay?"

Meredith looked bored, almost as if what Derek had just told her had been for naught. She acted as though nothing was wrong and she was a patient who felt fine and believed all of the tests being performed were one massive waste of time. Derek smiled at her, "We'll get through this together, Meredith. I'm not going to leave you alone."

He turned and walked solemnly out of the room as Addison finished getting her situated. He was waiting for her when she arrived next to him. He watched Meredith like a hawk, trying to see and be sure she was alright.

"You still love her," Addison whispered. The despair and heartache in her voice was unmistakable. Yet, she also sounded relieved.

Derek looked at the red head shortly, "How do you expect me not to?" He asked softly before turning his attention away.

"Derek, I want a divorce."

"I'm sorry, Addy."

She wiped a tear away as fast as she could and was positive that no one had noticed. Derek caught it, but was more focused on other things. They both knew this would be the end of the marriage, but they also knew to leave it alone until they got home. It wasn't worth getting upset with each other right now. Meredith's test soon finished and she went to look at the scans of her brain and spine. Derek followed.

"I shouldn't let you see this," She whispered.

"I would be her doctor in this area, Addison. I need to know what it looks like," He stated, somewhat forcefully. The relief he felt at the sight of the results was very welcomed. Meredith had no head or spine injuries save a concussion. Yet, they still had to deal with a broken leg, infections, and the possibility of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases before they were out of the woods physically.

Derek sighed, "Let's get her back into her room, huh?"

The man didn't even wait for a response, he just moved. Before anyone knew it he was in talking to Meredith again and Addison was soon to follow.

"…So it's all clear. Once Addison is in here, we're going to go back to your room in the ER and take care of everything else," His voice was soft again. He was a different person when he was around Meredith. He wasn't as cold or work oriented. He was Derek. The Derek Addison fell in love with. The Derek everyone wanted. He was the suave and charming man that who was the real McDreamy.

"Now that I'm here, let's take care of everything else," Addison interrupted. She was a little offended that Derek thought he could talk to _her _patient about the results, but she also knew that's who Derek was when he was in love. She'd had eleven years of that kind of treatment.

Derek smiled at Addison who got Meredith situated on the gurney again. Derek walked along side. Meredith was just as quiet as before and possibly even less responsive to what was going on around her. While that worried Derek, he wasn't eager to break the silence yet. He allowed the normal sounds of the hospital to once again lull him into a state of contemplation.

Yet, when he heard the sounds of Meredith Grey shouting for no one to touch her, he awoke from his thoughtful state almost immediately. He realized they were back in the exam room that the whole scenario had started out in. He heard Addison shouting for someone to let go of her patient and quickly jumped into action. He saw a male nurse quickly removing his hands from the young girl lying in the bed. Addison was quick to soothe fears, and Derek remembered again why he loved the two women in front of him.

"Meredith, I need you to listen to me," Addison pleaded. Meredith didn't listen. "Meredith, while you're in this room, I refuse to let anyone hurt you. Okay? I promise that nothing can happen that you don't want to happen. You have to trust me, though. You have got to let me help you, though."

The pleas had fallen on deaf ears as Meredith kept shouting and kicking and hitting at anyone near her.

"Dr. Shepherd, do you want anything to calm her," A nurse asked from the opposite side of the room.

"No," The she-shepherd's voice came across clear, "I'm not going to give her any reason not to trust me. Let me have a moment. I'll handle it."

Derek watched, frozen at the side. He didn't know what he was to do. Addison was handling the situation very well. And despite Meredith's obvious reluctance to respond, the woman kept persevering.

"Meredith, please look at me. Just for a moment," Addison begged softly, "I need you to trust me here. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. What I need you to do is calm down."

The red head looked beat. It had been a long day, and Derek knew that. Yet, he wasn't surprised at Addison taking the time to work with Meredith and calm her. She wasn't like most doctors when it came to that. With a bit more soothing and trying, Meredith calmed down and looked at Addison. The intern was focused on nothing else but Derek's soon-to-be ex-wife's face.

"Meredith," Addison said softly, "I can have everyone leave and it's just you and me here. We can handle this between the two of us for a few minutes. You need to tell me what you want so I can help you, Mer."

"Derek has to stay. He has to know," Meredith whispered. Derek's head shot up at the sound of his name and he realized how softly Meredith had spoken. He watched Addison give a nod and Meredith Grey visibly relaxed.

Addison looked at the staff around, "I need Dr. Shepherd to stay for an exam. Everyone else, please leave the room. Now."

Derek took a step closer to the bed. He kept his distance for the comfort of everyone, but he was close enough that Meredith could see him well. She pursed her lips and closed her eyes. Derek glanced at Addison, silently begging her to do something. However, it was quite obvious that the female Dr. Shepherd had no idea as to what to say.

Derek shook his head and stepped up to the plate, "Meredith, can you tell us what happened?"

She opened her eyes and he finally saw the terror that resided inside of the young woman you was lying before him. Never before had he seen that look in Meredith's eyes, and he never wanted to see it again. It broke his heart to know that she had to go through something so traumatic and hurtful; the problem was that he couldn't pick up the pieces.

Meredith opened her mouth, "I need to take a bath." She said as forcefully as she could.

Addison shook her head, "Not until you tell us what happened and let me examine you, Meredith."

"No!" She shouted at the two, "I need to take a bath. Now."

"And Meredith," Derek started, "We would both let you if we could. You know that. Yet, we can't. Will you please tell me who you went out with Tuesday night?"

"You have to promise not to hate me. Please. Promise me that," She was looking at Derek, but not in the eyes. He knew exactly why she was pleading, though, and gave her the reassuring nod she needed to feel safe. "I was mad at you. I was mad because you were still with _her._ And he was there. And he still loved me. He still had plans."

Meredith started crying, and she flinched as the salty tears made their way into open wounds that decorated her delicate face, causing more pain than she was already in. Derek closed his eyes and shook his head, trying so hard not to reach out and pull her in tight, "I'm not mad at you, Meredith. I could never be."

Meredith closed her eyes. She wasn't going to say another word, and Derek could tell. He and Addison would have to drag it out of her, and that wouldn't be easy. Addison looked helpless; she didn't know what to say. So, knowing he had no choice, Derek forced her to relive the last four days.

"Meredith, I need you to keep talking to me. I need you to tell me where you and Finn went. I have to know."

"I drove to his house. I knocked on the door and he answered. He was in boxers and a t-shirt. He smiled and pulled me into a kiss…I can't say I didn't stop him." Meredith took in a deep breath. Her voice was shaking and she was quite obviously scared. Derek and Addison stood completely still, refusing to ruin what they had going, "We went inside and made out. I pulled away. I told him I didn't want to do this. He said okay. We talked. We drank coffee and talked. That's all I wanted. I cried about how much I loved you. He was there. So things went further than I wanted them to. Yet, I didn't stop him. I'm sorry Derek."

The man was confused. Meredith had consented to having sex with Finn? Then why was she so beat up. He didn't know what to think. Addison was next to speak, "That's only one night, Meredith. What happened on the other three?"

Meredith took a deep breath, "I stayed with Finn. He was such a great person, or so I thought. I mean, he had plans. He was scary and damaged, just like I was. So I just stayed there. I forgot about everything else. I figured if I couldn't have Derek, I could have second best-" Derek cringed at this point, realizing he'd driven Meredith to do so much more than he'd thought, "-and Finn was it. So we stayed. Nothing major happened until today."

Meredith broke off and looked at Derek. While he wasn't crying, tears were definitely starting to form and his face was showing exactly what he felt – guilt. Meredith sighed, knowing that it wasn't his fault, it was hers. She continued, "We had lunch and he started kissing my neck. It was this real sweet way, like a boyfriend from high school always kissed me. I gave in to his touch. I wanted someone to love me. Yet, I didn't want to do anything else with him. I couldn't. So I told him to stop. I don't know why I wanted him to stop, but I just _did._

"That was when he said that I'd gone ahead with it once and that meant he could do it again. I tried to hit him, to say no. But he was so much stronger than I was," Meredith stopped. She didn't know what to do. She wasn't supposed to tell anyone. Finn said that if she told anyone, he'd be sure to kill her. However, she was already here. They already figured it out. Hell, she'd stumbled into the ER without wearing any clothes except her tattered up Dartmouth shirt that he'd torn. They knew. She just needed to verify it, "And he pushed me onto his floor and beat me. He said I had to be punished for leaving him the first time. I tried. But he kept beating me. He grabbed a knife of the island counter, and cut wherever he could. I gave up, praying he'd let me out alive."

Derek's fist loudly hit the wall and Meredith jumped and skidded to the other side of the bed. Addison pulled her in close and Meredith held onto the salmon scrubs that she usually hated so much for dear life. Derek realized what he'd done and immediately rushed to the bed side. Meredith cowered further into Addison's grip and Derek stopped moving.

"Meredith," He whispered, "I'm not mad at you. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm mad at him, that's all. I won't hurt you. I promise."

Despite how soft and caring Derek's voice was, Meredith shook her head and cried into Addison's shoulder. Surprisingly, Addison was very receptive to Meredith and held her tight, rubbing her back. She glared at Derek, "I think it would be best you left now. Please."

Her voice wasn't harsh or mocking, it was caring and sad. She felt so much pain for Derek and Meredith. He was watching the woman he loved more than life relive a nightmare that no one should ever go through, and he couldn't change it. Derek closed his eyes and hung his head in defeat. "I'm so sorry, Meredith," He whispered softly as he left the exam room. He refused to look back as he made his way down the hall to where everyone else was waiting for news. He was trusting Addison to take care of _his _Meredith.

_fine_

So, there you have Chapter 3. Thanks for reading! Reviews and criticism are welcomed :) Thank you :)  



	4. 11:11pm

A/N: Big thanks to everyone who responded! But seriously, is it that surprising that it was Finn? I guess maybe it was…but it just felt like the right place to take it. Still deciding what to have Derek do… but I can't make him end up in jail…that would be bad. Meredith needs her McDreamy!

Really don't like this chapter…it wouldn't flow very well. I couldn't sleep though, and this is what came of it. I'm trying to get the medical parts right…but it's not working overly well! Let me know of anything that _needs _to be changed…I just don't like the chapter though, so I'm really sorry. Definitely not my best work…I couldn't stick with one POV, nor could I really find where I wanted this to go. My goal was, I think, developing the Addison/Meredith friendship that I want formed…but even that didn't go as planned. Maybe Shonda is right. These characters really DO write themselves! But I'm not sure that this is a good chapter…I liked some of the Bailey/Derek interaction, but what I had originally got redundant…so I cut like half of it .

Next – I received several comments saying that "**Finn isn't capable of this…**with his past and all of that." I was told it was far fetched. Thank you for the feedback. I do want to defend myself on this, though. As a rape victim, I know that the guy who raped me was one of my best friends. He never seemed capable of something so horrible and painful. Someone said the whole point might be that Finn doesn't seem capable of it, and I guess that's very true. I didn't think Finn was capable of it when I reread it, and then I said, "But he is." Rapists are very good at getting people to trust them so that they can get to them and do what they want…furthermore, this is an AU…so I took that liberty to make it happen.

Warning: Rape Kit Examination. This one might hit people hard. I used prior knowledge and some research for this one…hopefully I got it right. Anyone who knows where I screwed it up…let me know, please. As I said…I want this to be realistic.

So we'll see how this goes. Alrighty then…let's not keep you waiting any longer:

Without further ado:

**Chapter 4: 11:11pm**

Addison's grip on Meredith tightened. Had you told her even a week ago that she would be the person Meredith Grey turned to for safety and comfort, she would have laughed at your naïve nature. However, that was now a reality that Addison Montgomery – Shepherd had to face, and she would handle it as best as she could.

Meredith's cries started to soften and Addison didn't pull away. She thought about what to do next. Meredith had to finish the story. Addison needed to know what happened, the police could be told later. Addison situated herself to position where it was easier to comfort the intern and just waited for the whimpers to subside. Once they had, Addison searched for the words that would allow Meredith to continue with the tale that Addison definitely did not want to hear.

"Meredith," The physician murmured. "You're safe now. Derek's out of the room, and I'm so sorry he frightened you. However, it's just us. It's you and me. Can you finish telling me what happened?"

Meredith pulled away the slightest bit and looked down at her feet, "He made me tell him why I deserved what he was going to do. He said he loved me and that he wouldn't be able to touch me if he didn't love me. He hit me every time I refused to say what he wanted me to." Meredith began attempting to shrink herself into a protective ball. Addison stayed close by and held the younger woman's hand, but kept her grip loose. Meredith closed her eyes, "He loved me and I deserved it. He said if I left him or if I told anyone about what we did that he'd kill me. He's going to kill me and hate me. All I wanted was to be loved. This is all my fault."

Addison wiped tears away for the second time that night. She didn't want Meredith to see her crying. The woman opened her mouth and spoke very softly, "Meredith, I need you to remember something. This was not your fault and no one deserves what happened to you. Finn never should have touched you if you said no. However, not everyone is going to do this to you, and Derek shouldn't have hit the wall, but he didn't know what else to do."

Meredith didn't look at Addison, but scooted herself a little bit closer to the comforting voice. Addison continued holding the intern's hand and then spoke once more, "I need you to let me do an exam, Meredith. I need to check for pregnancy, STDs, and any other injuries. I need to perform a rape kit examination and then we can try to pin this on him so he can't hurt anyone else. Please consent to this."

Meredith's eyes got wide. She glared at her feet and opened her mouth, "No." Her voice was firm and left little to no room for negotiation.

But Addison would be damned if she didn't at least try.

"Meredith, I can't let you leave until someone takes care of your left leg. How you even walked on it, I may never know. The leg can't be looked at until we take care of the open wound on your calf – which is deep and looks like it may need stitches. On top of that, it looks infected. Then I have to clean up everything else. You need those tests. Meredith, I have to do this rape kit examination. It's the only way to make sure you're healthy enough to walk out of here. I can get Dr. Stevens or Dr. Yang if that would help. But I won't let you leave without this exam."

"I'll leave AMA."

"No, you won't. I won't give you the paperwork," Addison stated firmly. She wasn't trying to scare the poor intern, but she wasn't going to let her leave without this being reported. "Meredith, you need help right now. You need friends. You need people who won't let you hurt yourself more than you've been hurt. I'm going to be that person right now."

Meredith refused to look up, but she scooted away from Addison. She didn't want anyone to touch her. She didn't want to be forced into this. She searched for an exit, but knew she wouldn't be able to walk any more. Her leg was throbbing. She just wanted to take a shower. Maybe, if she could just have a good soak in a tub or a shower with scalding hot water, all of the pain and dirtiness would go away and she would be capable of moving on. After all, there was nothing they could do now.

Addison let out a small sigh, "Meredith, if you let me do this examination and have someone look at your leg, then I'll let you take a nice warm bath or shower."

Bribery was the only way Addison would get through to this girl, and that's what she would do. She had to take care of Meredith. Her patient was her first priority. Taking care of her patient meant performing the examination that would be struggled against. It would be pushing for information and touching the young woman where she wasn't ready to be touched. It would include the possibility of being injured. Yet, the hardest part, it would include so many tears that Addison Montgomery-Shepherd wasn't positive that she could handle it.

Meredith spoke up, "I can take a bath?"

"Yes, Meredith. You can take a bath."

"Can Cristina come in?"

Addison nodded, "I'll have someone go get her, okay?"

While it was obvious that Meredith half dreaded it, she nodded slowly. Addison poked her head out the window and was back within seconds, holding a box containing everything Addison would need to complete the examination.

"She's on her way," Addison said. Meredith gave no inclination that she heard what the red head had stated, but Addison didn't care. She just went ahead with preparing herself and Meredith for the examination that was about to take place.

---

Derek Shepherd was a mess. No one could calm him down and he wasn't about to sit still. His pacing act was getting a bit annoying – to him and everyone in the waiting room – and he was thinking so loudly that Miranda Bailey was about to throw a magazine at him. Yet, everyone understood his concern, and no one said a word.

A nurse came out into the waiting room. "Dr. Yang," she stated. "Dr. Shepherd is in need of your assistance."

Cristina hopped up and looked at George, Alex, and Izzie. She knew they were all worried and they all wanted to go and see Meredith. Yet, she was the one going, "I'll…well…I guess…"

"Just go, Cristina. She needs you," Izzie reassured her. Cristina offered up a sad smile and started walking away.

Yang followed the nurse back into the ER and Derek's eyes followed her. He kicked a chair and Bailey stood up, "Derek, sit down. Meredith doesn't need you out here freaking out. She may be mad at you, but she'll get over it. She needs time."

Shepherd glared at the resident, "I scared her when I was the only one who could get her to talk. She's not going to get over that."

Bailey shook her head, "You never know, Derek. Meredith is going to struggle for a while. She'll need us, though. She'll need you. You just have to stay calm. I know you want to kill the guy, whoever it is, but you cannot let her know that's how you feel."

The neurosurgeon nodded slowly and sat down, his head in his hands. He wasn't sure he could handle it. Too many things were going wrong, and the worst one was completely his fault. That was killing him. To make matters worse, Meredith didn't even want him there. She wanted Cristina Yang, and while he understood, it was slowly killing him that she felt unsafe with him in the room.

Multiple pagers sounded simultaneously and everyone glanced to see if it was them. Derek closed his eyes, "Damn. 9-1-1."

"Me too," Izzie sighed, glancing at George and Alex who were both nodding silently.

Bailey stood up, "Let's move people!" She shouted. _Why can't someone else handle it? _She asked herself, knowing it was a pointless question.

It didn't take long for her coworkers to take off at a run. Meredith would have to be okay without them.

---

Cristina stood in the small exam room feeling incredibly awkward. Meredith had yet to acknowledge her existence and Addison had been fairly vague as to why she'd been needed. Her pager sounded and Meredith jumped. Addison reached a hand out to Meredith, palm up, in an effort to tell the woman that she was there and wouldn't let anything hurt her. Meredith took it and held on for dear life. Cristina was amazed at the interaction the two were sharing. Addison looked at Cristina, "Who's the page from?"

"9-1-1," Cristina sighed.

Addison shook her head as nurse poked her head in, causing Meredith to pull her legs close to her chest in a protective manner. Addison glared at the young female nurse, "There's a four car MVA. I was just called to say that Dr. Yang can stay where she is. Just thought I would let you know. Sorry for interrupting."

Addison looked at Meredith, "See, Meredith. It's alright. No one's going to hurt you and Cristina is still here."

Meredith nodded and relaxed a tiny bit. Cristina stepped a little closer to Meredith's bed in case she was needed.

"Okay, Meredith," Addison began. "The first thing I need you to do is take off your clothes. You said they are what you were wearing when Finn attacked you, correct?"

Cristina's jaw dropped. Did Addison Shepherd just say Finn? It was the _vet? _She'd told Meredith not to trust him. She'd tried so hard. Yet, he seemed nice and Meredith had seemed so happy with him. Cristina shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts and help Meredith. The battered intern was trying to sit on the edge of the bed and ease her way out of her pink panties. Cristina steadied her and Meredith didn't shy away from her friend's touch.

Meredith slid them off and Addison caught them in a plastic bag marked for the underwear. The intern slipped off the shirt as easily as she could, however she had to pull it away from dried blood that had succeeded in molding said article of clothing to her body. Cristina cringed as she saw the bruises and cuts all over Meredith's torso. Addison had a similar reaction, allowing an "Oh God" to escape from her lips. Meredith looked away in shame.

Cristina brought a hospital gown over and helped Meredith cover up so she could remove the bra she was wearing that was about to fall apart from being torn up and drop it in the final plastic bag. She'd stumbled in without pants on, and no one was sure where they were. The subject wasn't pressed as Cristina helped Meredith slip on the gown that was too big for her tiny frame and lay back in the bed.

Cristina stood by Meredith's bed, doing little things that Addison requested of her. She couldn't believe the questions Meredith was being forced to answer. Addison checked off the boxes for every answer the battered intern gave.

"Vaginal penetration, oral penetration, and anal penetration," Meredith whispered. Cristina closed her eyes as she thought about what that veterinarian had caused. Addison checked off more boxes and asked more questions. Within a while, the initial paperwork was taken care of and Addison requested Cristina's help.

The working intern donned a pair of sterile gloves and reached into the white cardboard box to pull out a vial for drawing blood. She knew that within minutes, they were going to need it for the medical tests. Addison took care of the patient. "Meredith, I need you to lie all the way back for me. Just stay relaxed right now." Addison was getting the bed set up for what she was asking of the bruised woman, and Meredith looked incredibly scared. Addison searched for the right words, "I'm not going to hurt you. What I need to do is take different samples and examine to make sure you're not injured. The first thing I need to do is get your consent for HIV testing. Meredith, this is really important."

The battered intern looked at her feet again and shook her head, "Finn told me he hadn't been with anyone else."

"Oh do you _really _believe that, Meredith?" Cristina spat out in a sarcastic voice. She immediately regretted it noticing the look on Meredith's face, "Oh my God. I didn't mean that, Mer. I just meant that he probably lied to you. I'm really sorry, Meredith."

Cristina couldn't bring herself to look at her friend. Meredith sighed, "You're right. I was stupid to believe he was nice. I guess you can do it."

Addison nodded and went through the procedure as quickly as she could. Cristina just watched and kept her mouth shut. She needed to support Meredith, not hurt her more. The woman mentally kicked herself and tried to focus on what Addison was doing.

"Okay, Meredith," Addison started after a short period of time. "Now I'm going to take blood samples. This will be used to test for STDs and Pregnancy. Dr. Yang, could you assist me, here?"

Meredith sat still and Addison wished she could make the process go faster. However, rape kit examinations were a long and tedious process. She couldn't change that. As she finished drawing the blood, she allowed Cristina to set it to the side. She turned to Meredith, "Now, this one's very difficult, but I need to take pictures of all of your external injuries. I wish I didn't have to, but I'll need you to lie still for me, okay? I'm going to start by lifting your gown and take the pictures of your chest and stomach, okay? I'll need to have you roll over and I'll take the pictures of your back. Finally, we'll take pictures of the legs and pubic area. You're really bruised up down there."

The battered intern looked humiliated and was quickly blinking back tears. Addison sighed, "Hey, look at me." Meredith did. "I'll make sure you get through this, okay? Then you can go take your bath. But, Mer, it's okay if you cry. Neither one of us is going to think any thing of it, right Dr. Yang?"

Cristina nodded slowly. She wasn't sure if Meredith was mad at her for the accusation she had made earlier.

Meredith let a few tears fall as Addison took the pictures of all of her injuries. She sat still and allowed Addison to take all the samples of loose pubic hairs and debris. She cried as Addison took swabs of semen and his saliva that were still on her body. She squeezed Cristina's hand as Addison performed a pelvic exam. She fought against fingernail scrapings. She fell silent and still as they took the X-Rays of her left leg to see how badly it was damaged.

Finally, all of the major testing was completed. Addison looked at Meredith, "I need to have someone come in to put a cast on that leg, Meredith. Do you have any requests as to who?"

Meredith thought for a moment, "Callie?" She didn't know why that was the name that came to mind, but she knew that Callie could do it, and she at least had a relationship with the doctor. She looked at Cristina, "Will you stay with me?"

Cristina let out a small smile, "Yeah, I will. I won't leave you. I promise."

Addison let out a sad smile, knowing that this was going to change a lot of people in ways that could never be reversed. The only thing they could all hope was that Meredith would be okay…and at the moment, that didn't seem too possible.

_Fine_

Thanks for reading! I hope this chapter worked...I'm not certainbut I think it did! Again, all reviews and opinions are much appreciated :)


	5. Brace Yourself

A/N: WOW! Thanks for all of the responses! I have to say…it really makes you want to write when so many people want to know what happens next…so I guess…this is my attempt at an update. I'm really using this as a filler chapter to keep a timeline straight. I'm not sure where I want all of this go to. It occurred to me, though, that part of the rape kit exam includes EC – emergency contraception that taken within 72 hours of sexual intercourse prevents pregnancy as long as a child has not already been conceived. Now, I left that out of Mer's exam. Very sorry about that, too, as I think it's a somewhat important part. However, I was tired and stressed and trying to turn out a suitable product in a short period of time.

Therefore, I will address it in this chapter. Hope that's alright? Good. nods

Callie. There's a problem. I can't write Callie very well. I decided that today. Wow…she's a tough one. I feel like I don't really know her…and that's not a good thing since I promised Alex I'd write a George/Callie fanfic if she wrote one too! Darn! I'm definitely going to have to figure that girl out. It isn't going to work if I can't write her. So I hope I didn't send you all into painful fits as you wanted to hurt me for how I portrayed Callie. I tried. Sorry!

Furthermore, I don't really want to cover what everyone else is doing…but I also know that I don't have much of a choice…we'll see if that's this chapter or next chapter. I may not cover it at all and play it off later. We'll see. Just know that everyone is dealing with a 4 car MVA that has some serious injuries and stuff…I guess that'll work.

Now…I will continue on.

Without further ado…

**Chapter 5: Brace Yourself**

Meredith looked at Addison. She may be refusing to look people in the eyes, but she was good at hiding. Addison smiled sadly, "Mer, what do you need?"

The intern shrugged, "I just…I don't want to get pregnant, Dr. Shepherd. It's not that I'm a bad person; it's that I would be a bad mother. At least, for now I would be. No child deserves to grow up without a father, and I don't think I could handle it."

Addison nodded her head, "Well, I can give you emergency contraception. As long as no child has been conceived, that should take care of the problem. But, Meredith, you would make a wonderful mother. However, I understand your reasons. Yang, please get the paperwork and the emergency contraception pills for Meredith."

Cristina looked at Meredith quickly and moved on her way. Meredith closed her eyes, willing tears not to fall. The last thing she needed was to appear weaker than she already was. Addison stepped closer to the bed, "Meredith, you're positive this is what you want. I can't blame you at all, and as your doctor I respect and support the decision. As a friend-" Addison watched for a reaction and received nothing more than a small and broken smile, "-I need to make sure this is what you want to do."

Meredith nodded slowly, "I can't raise a child. I don't know how. I wouldn't have a father. I couldn't do it. I know that this is what's best."

"Then as your friend," Addison replied, "I support you on this decision, and I'm sure everyone else will, too."

Cristina slipped back into the rooms and showed Meredith the forms, "I just need you to sign saying you understand what you're taking and all of the risks have been explained to you. Meredith, do you have any questions?"

Meredith shook her head and raised her shaking hand to sign the form. Cristina closed her eyes and put it out of her mind. Meredith sighed and signed the paper as best as she could. Addison gave her the first of two pills, "Okay. This first one is to be taken now. Cristina, can you get her a glass of water?" Cristina moved quickly. Addison continued, "The second one is to be taken exactly twelve hours from now. So at 12:30 tomorrow afternoon, you've got to remember to take this. Okay, Meredith? We can set an alarm or something to remind you, but I need you to remember that."

The intern nodded and took the first pill with ease. She closed her eyes, realizing what this meant. If there was any chance of pregnancy, it could never happen. She wouldn't ovulate this month. She wouldn't have a child. She couldn't have a child. She knew it was best, but why was it so hard? It wasn't as though the child had done anything wrong. Meredith cried. For the second time in just a few hours, she allowed body wracking sobs to take over and surrendered to her emotions.

Cristina, not sure as to what needed to be said, simply grabbed the empty glass and threw it away. Addison moved around the bed up by Meredith and pulled her into a soft embrace. She fell into it willingly, knowing that the woman offering comfort wouldn't think to hurt her. Cristina came up by the bed and rubbed her friends back. Her touch was tentative at first, but there none-the-less. No one said a word as Meredith dealt with whatever she needed to. Addison gave Cristina a caring look, hoping to convey how thankful she was that someone else was there.

After several minutes, Addison had taken to whispering soft, comforting statements into Meredith's ear. Cristina hadn't left her post as the back rubber, and Meredith had relaxed a little bit into the arms that were surrounding her. The only sign that she was still awake was the lifeless eyes that remained open and her movement every couple of seconds to remain comfortable and have a full view of the exam room.

Before any words had to be said, a soft knock was heard at the door. Meredith jumped and Addison was there to hold her, "You're okay, Meredith. He can't get you here. I promise. I won't let him."

Cristina had gone to the door to find Callie. She opened it slightly, "Dr. Torres is here."

"Let her in," Dr. Shepherd answered softly as she loosened her grip on Meredith. "Okay, I'm going to stay right here. Are you ready?"

Meredith didn't respond. She stayed as still as she had been when Addison first saw her. The attending shook her head and watched as Callie entered the room. Cristina followed the resident back over to Meredith's bed where she loosely grabbed her friend's hand. Again, the patient made no indication of realizing that she'd been touched.

Callie quickly observed the situation at hand. Dr. Shepherd was holding Meredith close and Cristina comforting as best she could. The resident had no idea as to what was happening. She made a quick scan of the room only to see a closed rape kit exam sitting on the counter. She closed her eyes, realizing what had gone on. The battered intern had been attacked. _Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss, _the resident thought silently.

Realizing she had a job to do, Callie quickly pulled herself from her thoughts and looked at Meredith, "All right, I've seen the x-rays, and it looks like a clean break. I heard you walked on it though, is that right?"

Meredith acted as though no one had been talking. Callie sighed rather loudly and spoke again, "Meredith, did you walk on your leg to get in here?"

Again, the skinny blonde made no sign that she had heard anything that was being said to her. Callie looked to Addison for help and the attending nodded slowly. The red head looked at the battered intern and tried her luck, "Hey, you walked on your leg to get in here, right?"

Meredith nodded silently. Addison looked at Callie, "Well, it looks like it's still a clean break from the films. I really don't think we'll need to perform surgery, which is a good thing. I'm just going to put a cast on it, alright?"

There was no sign that the blonde had heard a word Callie had said. This was upsetting the resident a bit. Why wouldn't the woman just say it was okay so they could sign the consent forms and get it over with? She was drawing it all out longer than she needed to. Addison started speaking to Meredith again, "Did you hear Dr. Torres?"

Meredith nodded and Callie was again surprised at how easy it was for Addison to get through to her. She decided to let the attending work her magic, "Alright, then can you sign another consent form so Callie can put a cast on your leg?"

Again there was a small nod and Cristina hurried to get the forms again. She walked over to Meredith, "Do you have any questions?"

"What did I do wrong?" The pain and fear in the voice was enough to break anyone's heart. Addison quickly pulled Meredith close, hoping to help in any way possible. Cristina looked lost for words as Meredith grabbed the pen out of Cristina's hand and signed the forms again. Cristina took them away to file them and Callie set to work.

As Torres was doing her job, Addison took the chance to talk to Grey. She started off slowly, not certain as to how receptive the injured patient would be. However, she was determined to help in any way she could.

"Hey, you didn't do anything wrong. You said no, right? You fought. You tried. That's what's important here. Do you understand that? You did nothing wrong," Addison repeated. She didn't know what else to say. Meredith made a slight nod of her head. That was something she was doing a lot lately. Addison sighed, "This will be okay. It's going to take a lot of time, Meredith, and a lot of work. But this is all going to be okay again."

Callie tried her hardest not to listen in on the conversation taking place, but sometimes people just couldn't help it. She didn't know what to say or think at the moment. Addison hadn't seemed like the person who would comfort a rape victim. While Callie didn't know either woman very well, this just wasn't an ideal situation. She whipped her head towards the door as it Cristina opened it to re-enter. The intern announced herself, "It's just me."

Dr. Torres assumed it was only for Meredith's comfort that Yang had made certain to say it was only her. No one else in the room would have really cared.

Even with Cristina's entrance, Meredith didn't move. She appeared to be tired and finally starting to want to go to sleep. Addison wasn't sure that she wanted Meredith to sleep here, but the intern couldn't be left alone at home. Addison didn't trust that yet, with the intern still so fragile, and she certainly didn't want her home with Finn out and about. It wasn't safe. She knew that Meredith couldn't stay with her – the trailer was a mess and Derek would be there soon enough.

She had to come up with a plan, and soon. Addison sighed, "Do you want to take that bath now?" The doctor questioned as Callie finished up.

Torres shook her head, "This has to set first. Give it twenty minutes or so, and then cover it in plastic." She turned her head towards Grey's face, "Are you feeling okay?"

Slowly, Meredith brought herself to nod her head. She looked at Callie and saw a warm face, not one that was going to hurt her. She relaxed even more, realizing she was still completely safe. Hesitantly, she opened her mouth to speak, "Thank you. Thanks for coming and doing this."

Callie smiled, "My pleasure. Just stay off it for a while. You'll be using crutches until that thing comes off. In six weeks I'll need to see you again for x-rays and we'll decide how to proceed from there. Is that okay?"

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

"Not really," Callie muttered, shaking her head. "And, Mer," She stated, "I was working anyways."

That wasn't what the resident had originally meant to say, but it came out. She had meant to say she was sorry and that she would help if she was needed. However, it just didn't feel right. She and Meredith had never really had a friendly relationship – just civil. Meredith broke George, after all. Yet, no one deserved the Hell Meredith must be experiencing. Callie believed that.

"Thanks again," Meredith whispered. Callie nodded and left the room.

Cristina sighed as the room fell silent again. She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to offend her friend. So she sat there, her hand held loosely in Meredith's and Addison still holding the intern in a comforting manner. No one really spoke until the patient broke the silence, "I want to take a bath."

"Twenty minutes," Cristina reminded her softly.

"Forget the twenty minutes," Meredith said firmly, "I need to take a bath. If I don't take a bath, I can't get rid of this. And if I can't get rid of it, I can't get better. If this can't get better, I might as well curl up in a corner and die, because then it's not worth it. I just need to wash it away." Her voice was getting softer, "Please let me wash it away."

Addison closed her eyes as the intern pleaded with them. She wished she could take her at that moment, but it wasn't an option. Twenty minutes was all they had to wait, and Meredith was going to wait the full twenty minutes. Yang pulled her hand from Meredith's grip, "I need to use the restroom."

---

Webber watched Derek closely. The man was a mess. He couldn't concentrate, he wasn't listening to what others had to say, and worse he kept making stupid mistakes. The Chief knew he couldn't allow Shepherd to operate, even though the attending was the best neurosurgeon at Grace. There may have been several major head injuries in this accident, but Derek wasn't going to touch one of them.

Bailey walked up behind the chief and braced herself for what was to come, "Chief." She muttered softly. Webber looked at her. "Chief, don't let Shepherd in on any cases, please?"

Webber nodded, "I figured as much. The man looks like he hasn't slept in weeks."

"I think he feels that way, Sir." Bailey muttered, "He was pacing like mad in the waiting room. He needs to be with her, but Grey won't let him in the room. He scared her or something."

Richard nodded and watched Derek move over to a wall and lean against it. McDreamy definitely didn't have the McDreamy thing going for him right now.

"Go to work, Bailey. I'll take care of Shepherd."

The Nazi nodded and returned to the Trauma room she had previously been in.

Seattle Grace's chief walked over to one of his best surgeons. He stood next to him and tried his best at starting a conversation, "So. This is turning out to be one crappy night, isn't it?"

"You tell me."

"Derek," Richard started, "You're not operating tonight. I've called in several other surgeons – other neurosurgeons. You are in no condition to set foot in an OR. I'm doing the same thing to Bailey and her interns. Every single one of you are too focused on a friend to do this. We have other staff members, and they can handle this.

"Please, just go be with her. For me."

Derek sighed, "She won't let me in. I scared her. I made her hurt worse."

"She'll need you in due time," Webber replied. "She'll need someone to be strong for her. Make yourself that person, Derek. She'll want you back in her life before long. Right now, it's going to hurt for both of you. You hate the guy who did it, she's scared that everyone she sees is going to attack her. However, you know that she's safe now. You can help protect her." The man stopped to compose himself. Thinking of Meredith lying vulnerable in an exam room hurt him as much as it hurt anyone else – if not more, "Go be with her for me, because I can't right now. Please? For me."

Shepherd nodded, "Fine, I'm going. But I wish you wouldn't do this. It's killing me to sit there and do nothing."

"And you're making a wonderful road block by standing in the middle of a hallway of our Emergency Room, Shepherd. And doing so, by the way, isn't helping a single one of our patients. You're just making things more difficult. So leave, already."

Shepherd sighed, "I hate you right now. I hate you for not letting me do a job. I hate you for what happened to Meredith," Derek stopped, "I think I just hate the world, but that doesn't change that I hate you."

Webber sighed at his collected nature. Derek would get over his hate soon enough, but what the chief didn't know was whether or not the man would be able to get over his anger at whoever caused the whole situation. He watched the attending retreat to the waiting room once again, and went off to find Grey's friends. Those interns weren't scrubbing in on anything. None of them were focused enough to do their jobs.

_Fine_

Okay…not the best thing ever written…a definite filler…but I did get out that Derek was too distracted to even work…and that Meredith felt dirty…I thought that was important. So, please, leave comments and let me know what needs to be improved! Any criticism is helpful…and I'll try really hard to work on it! Thanks for reading 


	6. Undiscovered

**A/N: **Thank you for all of the wonderful comments! I'm so pleased when I sign on and see people are enjoying the story! It makes me smile! (Which is definitely a good thing right now).

Unfortunately, I can't guarantee as many daily updates anymore. I want to, but my dad's rejecting his heart, I have speech and voice competitions coming up shortly, church's VBS to help with, and my job is starting to get into full swing. Working at a zoo doesn't always leave much free time for writing. I will try to stay up late like I've been doing and write! I love this story…and it's really therapeutic for me to write it…so I don't want to neglect it too much.

So that was my vent session…back on topic:

Addison is really OOC. And I am going to say once more…this is **VERY MUCH AN AU**…So I can do what I will with each character. I think this could be part of her past…I can see it happening. I also think she loves Derek, but she's not in love with him. It seems to me that the two married out of…I'm not sure what the word is…but they married each other because both wanted to seem like they were okay with themselves. Does that make sense? Well, it does to me. So that's my excuse. Addy/AdDek lovers…I apologize if I ruined her for you…I just thought it felt right…normal…maybe even true. So this is my way of loving and dealing with Addison.

Cristina is also OOC…again, I see some of me in her…this is what I think she'd do.

Without further ado…

**Chapter 6: Undiscovered**

Derek sat quietly in the waiting room. This was the second time that night that he'd been there. He felt so helpless. Finn had taken Meredith and stolen everything from her. The woman he loved more than anything was so broken that he didn't know if he'd ever be able to fix her. The attending wanted nothing more than to have control of the situation, but that wasn't possible, because he had caused her pain, and nothing would change that.

He saw Cristina walking towards the waiting room. The intern looked rather upset, and Derek didn't want to invade. She sat down a few chairs away and he watched her out of the corner of his eyes. The usually strong woman looked like she was about to lose it. She looked up at the man and he looked away. She opened her mouth and started to speak, "Dr. Shepherd, I don't know what to do or what to say. Usually Meredith has to comfort me, or we can comfort each other by just talking. But, I can't do anything for her this time. She's so helpless and scared and broken. I can't help her."

Derek nodded his head, "Unfortunately, I can't either. In fact, all I could do was make the situation worse."

"How so?"

"I hit the wall. I was mad at Finn. I couldn't believe what he'd done. I didn't mean to hurt Meredith. I didn't _try _to scare her, but I hit the wall. I hit it hard. I needed to do something," He said guiltily. Nothing could change how much he'd hurt Meredith.

Cristina sat there for another moment before rising, "I said I had to pee. I should really get back."

Derek stood as Cristina left. "Yang," He called after her.

Cristina hesitantly turned around, "What?"

"Could you just tell her I'm sorry and that I'm here if she needs me?"

The intern nodded, "She'll appreciate it; I'm sure. I'll tell her."

Derek let a small, sad smile escape his lips as he fell back into the chair he had previously occupied. Hopefully Meredith would let him back in. Hopefully, that moment would come soon.

---

Addison finished wrapping the cast that went up to Meredith's knee in plastic. She slowly helped Meredith to sit on the edge of the bed. The attending looked her patient up and down, "Well, we have two options here. I can send you to your home with Cristina to take a bath there and you can get some rest, or I can take you to relax in a shower here. The bath concept probably won't work too well."

The battered patient sighed. She didn't want to leave yet. Addison was so warm and caring. It was comforting. Meredith looked around the room as she thought about the choice she had to make.

Addison waited before speaking again. Yet, with no response, she had to say something and figure this out. "There's no reason why you can't leave yet," Addison said slowly, "And you would probably be more comfortable in your own home."

Meredith appeared to be thinking about the prompt. She wasn't ready to be alone yet, that much she knew. The attending let the intern think about what was happening. Slowly, the patient opened her mouth, "Dr. Shepherd, this is going to sound very weird. I'm sorry about that. But, I was wondering if there was any way you could stay with me tonight?"

"Why?"

"I just," Meredith stammered, "I mean, you sort of…I don't feel…It's just that-"

"You don't want to be alone," Addison offered. Meredith nodded. Addison sighed softly, "I don't know. Why me? You could have Cristina with you, Izzie, George, anyone. It's not that I don't want to be there for you, it's just that I don't understand."

Meredith looked away from Addison, "You seemed to get it."

Addison sighed and sat on the bed next to Meredith, "I do get it. I know what it feels like. I know how much it hurts to have a person you love and trust turn around to stab you in the back. I was there, Meredith. I was a lot younger than you, true, but I was there."

A knock at the door caused Grey to jump a little. Addison put a hand on her shoulder to calm her. Once Meredith was alright, she rose to see who was at the door. She opened it slowly to let Cristina enter. The blonde didn't look at her friend. Cristina sighed and walked over to her, slowly placing a hand on her shoulder.

A very frightened Meredith tried to pull away and Cristina quickly ended the contact. The working intern regained her composure and looked at her friend, "Derek saw me as I was coming back. He wanted me to tell you that he's really sorry he scared you. He also said that he wants to be here for you, and he will be. He just wanted you to know that."

There was no response. Addison took the time to dismiss her intern, "You're free to go. I think I've got it from here. Find Dr. Bailey and ask her if she needs anything. Oh, and tell Dr. Shepherd that I don't think I'll be home tonight, please."

Grey had a reaction to that, but neither one noticed. Cristina nodded and quickly left without looking at Meredith.

"Dr. Shepherd," The blonde stated. "You…someone…I mean," Meredith tried to regain her composure. Once that was managed, she continued, "Someone did the same thing to you?"

"Yes, they did," Her answer was short, but true. Addison closed her eyes as she sat next to the woman who was suffering as much as she had once. After getting comfortable, she continued, "I was seventeen years old and hanging out with a group of friends. There were several guys in the group, and one of them had offered to give me a ride home. I trusted him and loved him like a brother. So I went with him. He made a wrong turn and pulled into a secluded little area. We were just on the outskirts of town – no one was around for miles. He raped me. I had been a virgin, and that was the end of everything that I was going to wait to do."

Meredith rested her head on Addison's shoulder. The older woman moved to the most comfortable position for both of them and held her there. While the attending hadn't thought about that time of her life in a long while, it felt right to confide in the intern.

"Does Derek know?"

Addison was shocked at the question. She shook her head slowly, "I could never bring myself to tell him. I love him, but I think that's what killed our relationship. I never trusted him with it. Now, the more I think of it, I could never be in love with him because I hadn't completely healed. I hadn't told him. But, Mer, he loves you so much. I know you still love him. He's not going to hurt you. He didn't mean to scare you. Let Derek in. Let him help you. He just wants to be there for you."

Meredith shrugged, "I don't know who to trust, though."

"I know you don't, sweetheart," Addison whispered. "But that will get better. With time, everything will improve. You may not believe it now, but I promise that it will."

"Can I please just take a bath?"

Addison nodded her head, "How about I spend the night with you tonight, huh?"

Meredith sighed, "I think I would like that."

---

Addison had given Meredith a pair of clean scrubs and walked her out to her car. It appeared Meredith was already quite skilled with crutches. They'd seen Derek on the way. Meredith had stuck as close to the female Shepherd as possible and Addison handled any form of contact made with the male one. He understood Meredith's need for space – rather reluctantly, though – and let the two women go on their way.

By the time the two women had gotten to Meredith's house, Addison was dead sick of the silence. She helped Meredith ease out of the car and up the stairs into her bedroom. The younger of the two women sat on the bed, telling Addison which drawers to open for a plain blue t-shirt, black sweatpants, and underwear. Following the excursion through the dresser, the older woman had gone across the hall to draw a warm bath for her charge. Meredith followed close behind.

"I'll leave you to it, then."

"Please," Meredith whispered, "You've seen it already. Don't leave me alone."

Addison shut the door behind them and locked it in case either of Meredith's roommates chose to come home while the house owner was bathing. She smiled softly at Meredith who used her to steady as she took off the scrub bottoms and top. Addison helped her ease into the tub while propping her left leg up enough to avoid as much of the water as possible.

Meredith asked for a washcloth and Addison obliged.

The two sat in silence as Meredith washed everything away. She scrubbed and scrubbed until parts of her skin were red and soar. She shampooed her hair four times before she was convinced she'd taken care of it. She rubbed harder at her skin with a washcloth, trying desperately to erase the memories of the last twenty four hours. She started crying as she realized it wouldn't ever leave her, and Addison knelt beside the tub and ran a hand through her wet hair, whispering that everything would be okay.

It didn't take long for Grey to regain her composure. Addison then turned away, giving the intern her privacy again. Meredith finished scrubbing, trying one final time to erase the feeling of Finn's hands grabbing at her. Trying to erase the memories of his lips on her skin. Trying to erase the memories of saying that she deserved everything because she had chosen Derek.

Finally, she announced that she was done with her bath. The blonde drained the tub and Addison, with a blue towel in hand, assisted the intern in standing up and allowed her to dry off and put on her clothing. Finally, Addison gave Meredith her crutches and the two of them went back across the hall to Meredith's bedroom.

Once Meredith was situated on the bed, Addison sat on the edge of it. Meredith closed her eyes, but didn't fall asleep.

They sat like that for a while, just thinking. For some reason, Meredith felt safer with Addison there. Knowing that the older woman had been there made her more comfortable. It was nice to know she wasn't alone. But none of that could ever change the fact that she had caused Finn to punish her for things she had done wrong.

The door opened downstairs and Meredith's eyes shot back open. Addison glanced at the clock by the bed. It was 3:45 in the morning. Meredith heard Izzie and George bickering as they made their way up the stairs. Her door was still open, and Addison got up to go look in the hall.

George stopped dead in his tracks as Addison peeked out of Meredith's bedroom door. Izzie released a sigh of relief. The red head looked at the two interns with a sad smile, "She's in her room, resting. I'm going to stay here tonight. Chances are good that she won't get much sleep. What she does get will be restless. Just a warning in case you two hear her up. Please, don't push her. She's not comfortable with many people yet."

Izzie nodded slowly.

George spoke up, "And what gives _you _the right to be here? Does Meredith even want you here?"

"George, shut up," Meredith shouted from her bedroom, "I asked her to come. Is that what you want to hear? Good. Now shut up and go to bed! I don't want you two to fight over this. She is _my _guest. Understood?"

"Yes, Meredith," George answered. Izzie shook her head and Addison retreated back into the bedroom. George shook his head, "And now she's trusting Satan."

"I heard that," Addison's voice rang out.

Izzie couldn't help but smirk as she shook her head. Sometimes, George was _so _innocent.

_Fine_

Thank you for reading! I hope this chapter was okay...I wasn't too positive about it. However, I love George/Izzie stuff...so I had to throw that in at the end. This needs _ some_ humor, after all. Things just can't be completely serious all the time, right? So yah. Thanks for taking the time to read and please review and let me know what you think. If something's horribly wrong, I would like to fix it. Thank ya :)


	7. Let Me Fall

A/N: Thanks for caring so much about my dad. He's doing alright…high doses of steroids... but outside of that, things are improving bit by bit. Hopefully he'll be over this bout of rejection soon and we can get on with our lives…I mean, as great as transplants are and all…they suck just as much!

I want to thank everyone for being so accepting of the OOC concepts. I guess I just see people reacting differently to this situation…and that's realistic for me. That's what I expect. I love having Addison and Meredith on the same level – friends. It's something new for me…and they work very well with each other. They may become fun to write later.

Oooooh…this is a very AU chapter. I brought back someone…it pays respect to my daddy, I swear! (I bet that tells you who it is) And while said character will _not _play a big role, one of our beloved interns needed a friend…or loved one…to be there for her. And I needed _something _for two people to talk about.

As for the **Addison is too caring **comments I've heard…I definitely see where you're coming from. In fact, a big part of me agrees with you. However, as a rape survivor, I know that I wouldn't wish the pain I've felt on anyone. And, as I've made Addison a rape survivor…I think she'd feel the same way. It's one of those awful, horrible, nasty feelings that you would kill to get rid of…you wouldn't even want the woman who is sleeping with your husband to feel that way. Trust me, you just wouldn't.

I guess we'll see what happens from here…hopefully more MerDer action soon! I'm working that way, at least. I have a few undecided things in the roadmap of this story, but for the most part, I think I know where I'm taking it. So thank you for putting up with me.

Sorry it took so long to put this out – I've been dealing with a lot and I had to get through some rough stuff before I could focus my attention back on this. But I'm back now…so let's get this party started! (Ha Ha Ha!)

Without further ado…

**Chapter 7:** **Let Me Fall**

Meredith didn't sleep a wink, and by 7:30am, she was up and getting dressed. Considering she didn't have a shift, it was a jeans and t-shirt day. She stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at her bruised face. She had used all the make-up she owned in an attempt to cover her battered appearance, but she ended up looking like clown. Meredith shrugged it off, washed her face, and threw her blonde hair into a sloppy pony-tail. She couldn't find the energy to care about her appearance anymore than that.

She couldn't get it off her mind. It didn't matter what she'd tried over the last night. The blonde had tried reading a book, she'd tried writing, she'd _even _joked around with Addison, but it wouldn't go away. All she could think about was exactly what she'd done wrong to deserve what Finn had done to her. Meredith shook her head to rid herself of the thoughts and quickly went back into her bedroom.

Addison was sleeping in a chair right next to Meredith's bed. She looked uncomfortable, but had only been sleeping for about an hour, so Meredith let her be. The blonde grabbed a book off of her dresser and slipped it under her right arm. She then attempted to make her way across the room and out the door without waking the red head. That, however, proved to be difficult as the crutches were louder than Meredith would have liked.

After successfully leaving the room without waking her colleague, the intern made her way down the hall and looked down the stairs. "Here goes nothing," She whispered. Meredith slowly started making her way down the stairwell, taking it one step at a time. She felt herself losing her balance about two-thirds of the way down. The book fell from under her arm and made a rather loud noise as it fell down the stairs.

"Damn," She cursed.

George stood at the top of the steps, watching the whole scene unfold. He sighed and bounded down them, placing two hands on the waist of his friend to steady her. George felt the blonde tense up and he wasn't sure what to do. Thinking fast on his feet, he opened his mouth to speak, "Meredith, it's just me, George. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Let me go," she demanded.

"But you were about to fall."

Her voice rose, "Let me go. Please."

George removed his hands, but stayed close in case she started to fall again. Meredith continued down the stairs, pushing the book out of her way with one of her crutches when she got to the bottom. She made her way into the kitchen and leaned up against a counter, she closed her eyes for a second, willing herself not to cry. Once she was positive she'd regained her composure, she opened her eyes to find George standing nearby. She sighed rather loudly and turned to get a glass from the cabinet above her head.

The male figure looked away from her and began to get himself two eggs out of the fridge. He moved to find the oil and a pan to scramble the eggs in. Meredith dropped the glass on the ground and jumped. George stared at the clear glass shards on the ground. He set down the eggs, pan, and oil and quickly went to grab the broom and dust pan. If he could do nothing else, he could clean up the mess.

When he reemerged in the kitchen, he found the blonde sitting on the floor, leaning against a cabinet, sobbing. George dropped the broom and dust pan, moved to his friend, and knelt beside her. He pulled her into a warm embrace. Meredith opened her eyes to see who was holding her, and, realizing she was safe, fell into the arms. George didn't know what to say, so he just held her close. She sobbed into his chest until there were no tears left to cry, and after that, they just sat there. No words needed to be said. Meredith knew he wouldn't hurt her, and George knew she needed a friend.

Addison stood in the doorway, watching the two interact. At least the battered and broken intern had friends here. At least there was someone she could talk to, as long as she had the strength. George looked up to see the red headed woman, who held one finger over her lips. The man nodded in agreement. Meredith didn't notice anything.

Once Meredith had calmed down enough, George stood up and cleaned up the broken glass in the middle of the kitchen. He then walked over to his friend and helped her up and over to a stool by one of the island counters. Meredith sat quietly, not saying a word. He got down another glass and opened the refrigerator, "Orange juice, apple juice, or milk?"

"Apple juice," Meredith replied softly.

He poured her a glass and took it over to her, "You know, you _can_ ask for help."

"I know," She whispered. Addison was still in the doorway. She didn't want to invade anyone's personal space, but she desperately wanted to assure herself that Meredith had the support system to get through. George offered her a small smile, and Addison assured herself that Meredith would be okay.

"So," He muttered, "Breakfast? What do you want?"

Meredith shrugged, "Not really hungry."

"You've got to eat _something." _

"Cereal's always a good choice," George offered.

Meredith didn't respond for a moment, and then she offered a nod of her head. George got out the _Honey Bunches of Oats _that Izzie had purchased a few days ago and a bowl, setting them in front of Meredith. She poured herself a bowl of the cereal and added in the milk George had placed in front of her. She really _wasn't _hungry. Yet, if she didn't eat, her friends would worry. George handed her a spoon, and Meredith took a few small bites of the cereal before taking a sip of her apple juice.

Addison decided that it would be the best time to announce herself, as Meredith had yet to notice her standing there. She slipped into the kitchen and looked at Meredith, "You get any sleep?"

Meredith shrugged, the red head nodded. Addison then looked around the kitchen, "Do you mind if I get a glass of juice?"

"Glasses are in the cabinet above George's head," Meredith said. "Help yourself."

Addison went ahead and poured herself a glass of Orange Juice, "I just got a call, I need to head into the hospital in a few minutes."

Meredith nodded.

Addison sighed, "If you need anything, call me. And, Meredith, Derek called, too. He wants to talk to you. He asked me to tell you that he's sorry."

Meredith didn't respond to Addison. The woman drank her glass of orange juice and put it in the sink. She then excused herself and left the house. The blonde played with her cereal a little longer, then left the bowl, stood up on her crutches and moved to the living room. George let her go, knowing she needed time.

---

Around noon, Meredith was resting on the couch watching some TV. She was tired, but scared to sleep. George had gone out to lunch with Callie and Izzie was baking in the kitchen. Meredith tried not to fall asleep, but all of her attempts failed, and she let exhaustion consume her. Meredith fell asleep.

_Meredith was sitting on the couch at Finn's place. He was joking and laughing with her. They were flirting, and it felt wrong. The blonde girl knew that she loved Derek, not Finn, and it wasn't fair for her to steal his heart when she couldn't give hers to him. Finn closed in on her and kissed her gently, running his hands through her blonde hair. She pulled away, "I'm sorry."_

_He shook his head, "Meredith, you can't do this to me. Do you know how much it hurt when you chose him at the prom? I was your date. **Your **date," He emphasized. "You can't do this to me."_

_"I know how much it hurt. He chose her, remember?" _

_Finn moved closer to her, he had a look in his eyes that she didn't recognized. Meredith stood abruptly, trying to get away from him. He stood up, "Stand still and it won't hurt. I promise."_

_Meredith's jaw dropped. She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. Was he serious? She stepped back again, "Don't touch me."_

_"Don't you remember two nights ago? How much fun we had? We could have it again," Finn said seductively. _

_She tried to pull away as he pulled her close and kissed her. He pulled her to the ground, not taking his hands off of her for one moment. He ripped and pulled at her clothing. She pulled away, "Stop it! Don't do this."_

_He pulled her back into his arms. She screamed._

Meredith awoke with a jolt, Izzie kneeling at her side, shaking her slightly. Meredith pulled back and curled into a protective ball on the couch. Izzie retracted her hands, ending all contact, and just sat there. The figure on the couch was shaking slightly. The ex-model didn't know what to say, so they sat together.

"He haunts my dreams, Izzie," whispered Meredith.

Izzie closed her eyes, "I'm so sorry."

Meredith shrugged, "It's no one's fault but mine."

Izzie pulled herself onto the couch, sitting as far from Meredith as she could, while still there as a source of comfort. She watched as the other intern pulled her knees even closer to her chest.

"This wasn't your fault," She whispered. "It was him. He wanted power. You did nothing wrong."

Meredith closed her eyes. She moved her knees away from her chest and sat criss-cross-applesauce on the couch. She didn't look at Izzie or anything else, just stared into space. Izzie didn't move for a few minutes, until she realized that Meredith didn't need her to sit there.

So she rose from her perch on the couch, "I'm going to make some lunch. Do you want anything?"

Meredith shrugged, "What are you making?"

"Grilled cheese," Izzie responded softly.

"I'll meet you there in about five minutes."

With that, Izzie turned and walked back to the kitchen. Meredith regained her composure, fixed her pony tail, and grabbed her crutches as she stood up. She couldn't sleep, couldn't think, couldn't do anything without him being right there to haunt her.

_When is this going to stop? _She questioned herself. Not finding any source of an answer or any comfort from thinking about it, she hobbled into the kitchen to take the seat she had occupied at breakfast. She listened to Izzie ramble incessantly about Denny's recovery. Everyone was so happy that his transplant had been successful. To top it off, Izzie and Denny were officially engaged and the entire hospital, while fairly amazed that Stevens had the guts to have a relationship with a patient, was incredibly happy for the two.

Meredith tuned part of it out, but managed to nod when she felt it would be appropriate. Her friend seemed okay with the fact that she wasn't exactly focused on her story. Izzie finished up the grilled cheese sandwiches and placed one in front of the other woman. She turned away and opened the refrigerator, "Do you want anything to drink, Mer?"

"Water's fine," She replied dully. Izzie grabbed a bottle out of the fridge and placed it on the counter. Meredith opened it and took a sip, "Hey, do we have any chips or anything?"

Izzie opened a door to reveal barbeque and original Lays. She glanced at Meredith who shrugged. Izzie pulled out both and threw them down next to Meredith. Meredith took a small handful of each and the other did the same. In silence, they ate their lunch. For a moment, it seemed almost as if everything were okay.

It was just too bad the world didn't want it to be that way.

_fine_

Okay, there ya have it. Chapter 7. I have to say that writing this wasn't necessarily _easy_. As always, criticism and thoughts are much appreciated and THANK YOU FOR READING! It makes the writing part feel more worthwhile when people let you know what they think of it.

Oh, and I had Denny survive. He got a heart, Izzie **_did not_** cut the LVAD wires, because anyone who knows me knows that I do not and _cannot_ condone what Izz did. I love the girl to death…but my dad had an LVAD, and cutting the wires, even out of love, is beyond wrong. She could have caused the stroke in and of itself right there. So the LVAD wires weren't cut, Izzie never got in trouble, Denny got a heart and has a _long _road of recovery ahead of him. I will be doing that part correctly, if I do it at all. So there we go.

Thanks again!


	8. The Trouble with Love Is

Disclaimer: I do not own _Legally Blonde _or any of the characters and blot mentioned from said movie. It is being used for entertainment purposes **only **and no profit is being made from its use.

A/N: So the court hearing was as good as you would expect. Sucky, more like. I saw him…I told my side of the story…I sat there….sat there some more…ignored everything….and bail was set and we were told we'd be back in court in about four months. Great, huh? Anyways, thanks for reading and letting me know what you think. Also, thank you to everyone for caring about what was going on and the supportive comments. It's been really great to know that on TI there's a community of people who want to make sure everyone's okay.

So, here we go: Chapter Eight and the return of Derek! I brought him back in…finally. Took me long enough, eh? Been a few chapters? Yeah. Well. I think I'm ready to tackle that one tonight.

Without further ado…

**Chapter 8: The Trouble with Love Is**

As soon as Meredith had finished lunch, she realized she needed to take the second pill of the emergency contraception. Izzie had retrieved the pill from Meredith's room and gotten her a glass of water. After watching the other intern take the medicine and fight with her own emotions for a while, she knew she had to do something to lighten the mood. It hit her suddenly, and she wasn't sure of Meredith would go for it, but she had to try.

"I think we need a chick flick marathon," Izzie said confidently.

Meredith looked confused, but just shrugged. It really didn't matter to her anyways.

---

Izzie and Meredith had sat on the couch and thrown in _Legally Blond_. Izzie had convinced the other woman that chick flicks were a perfect way to pass the time, and Reese Witherspoon had a tendency to make her forget all of her problems. Meredith had reluctantly agreed, but found herself willing to watch as soon as they'd sat down. It was the first thing that got her mind off of her own problems.

"I love this part!"

Meredith shook her head at Izzie's enthusiasm. While she would be one of the first to admit that Bruiser was an adorable dog, she didn't think getting any animal highlights was something amazing. About three-fourths of the way through the movie, Meredith's cell phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID and tossed it at Izzie.

The ex-model looked confused. Meredith explained willingly, "Just tell him I'm asleep or something. I can't talk to him yet."

Izzie shook her head and threw the phone back. It had stopped ringing already, and she wasn't about to lie for Meredith. The woman had to face the man at some point. Meredith sighed, "He left a message. Why didn't you answer it, Izzie?"

"Because you'll have to face him eventually," The other replied. "He loves you. He wants you to be happy. He's worried about you. Honestly, you should have been there when Addison sent him out of the room last night. He couldn't sit still and he couldn't stop sending a nurse back to check on you. It was almost scary. He kept saying how it was his fault."

The injured of the two looked away, "But he couldn't have stopped it."

The other shrugged, "He wanted to, Meredith. He would have done anything to take away the pain you were feeling. Just let him in, please?"

Meredith, with a look of confusion on her face, listened to her voicemail. She was shocked at what she heard.

"_Meredith? It's me, Derek. I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to me. Hell, I wouldn't want to talk to me if I were you. But, I'm really sorry about last night. I didn't mean to scare you or hurt you or anything. Please, call me back. I just want to talk to you. I understand if you don't want to see me, but at least let me apologize. Okay? Call me, please?"_

She deleted the message, hung up the phone, and looked at the other girl. She resituated herself, resting the leg covered in plaster on the armrest of the couch and laying her head on the other blonde doctor's leg. She rolled on her side slightly to watch the rest of the movie. Before fully returning her attention to Elle Wood's attempts at cracking the murder case set before her, Meredith looked up at Izzie.

"It's gonna be okay, right?"

"Yes, Mer," Izzie whispered, "I promise that it will be okay."

With that, the two blondes returned to watching the movie. It was almost over, and afterwards, Meredith knew she would call Derek. She needed to hear his voice, to know that he was still there. After all, it definitely wasn't like he had meant to scare her. She just wasn't sure who to trust…yet.

---

Meredith was lying on the bed in her room, curled up in as much of a ball as she could manage, and dialed the phone number she knew all to well. A warm voice sounded at the other end of the line. She closed her eyes and took a breath, not sure as to what she should say. It scared her to be talking to him, but it scared her more not to.

"Meredith," He stated, "You there?"

"I'm here. I'm sorry about last night."

"Why are you sorry?"

Her voice was a little shaky as she spoke, "For not trusting you. For being in there. For letting him…letting him -"

"You didn't let him do anything," Derek replied in a reassuring manner. "You fought, you survived. I'm proud of you for that."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "You shouldn't be proud of me for that, Derek."

There was no response from the man on the other side. Meredith sighed softly, "I didn't want it to happen like that, Derek. It was just that he had plans. I didn't know it would be his door when I left the house, but it was. He let me in. He held me. He was there when you weren't."

"I'm sorry," The man whispered quietly.

"It wasn't supposed to be like it was. I don't blame you if you don't want to see me anymore," She whispered. "I just wish I could take it all back. I didn't want him to…to…I never meant for…" Meredith stopped, not knowing what else to say. She cried softly, hoping Derek could forgive her.

It seemed as though he read her mind, "It's okay. I know you didn't mean for any of that to happen, and I know it wasn't your fault. I didn't mean for you to ever think that I didn't want to be there."

The blonde took comfort in his words, knowing that he wouldn't lie to her about something like this. She took a deep breath and asked her question, "Would you come over tonight? Just to sit with me and be here? I'm…I'm scared being alone."

Derek took a minute to answer and Meredith was scared he was going to say no. She got ready to hang up her phone, defeat plastered all over her face, but she stopped when he started speaking again, "Of course. I have one more surgery and I should be over between six and seven this evening. Is that alright?"

Meredith looked incredibly relieved. "That sounds fine," She whispered.

"I'll see you in a few hours."

"Yeah, see you," The intern replied before hanging up her phone.

She grabbed her crutches and hoisted herself off the bed. She hopped across the hall into the bathroom. While she was relieved Derek was coming over, part of her feared him. He could be exactly like Finn. While George would never take advantage of her, something inside of her was scared of the man she loved. Logically, she told herself that not every man wanted to get in her pants, but, to the same token, she knew that she and Derek had a past. She knew that he could want what the vet had wanted.

Suddenly regretting her decision, Meredith slid down onto the floor and held in her tears.

"Izzie," She shouted, hoping the roommate would be able to hear her.

Thankfully, within a minute or so, Izzie appeared at the bathroom doorway. She looked down on the girl sitting on the bathroom floor. Realizing something was wrong, she flipped down the lid on the toilet, and took a seat.

Meredith sighed.

"Spill," Izzie demanded, although her voice was quite caring.

"I called him. He said he was sorry about what happened," Meredith whispered. "That he didn't mean to scare me in the exam room, and that he was proud of me. He was proud because I fought back and survived. I told him not to be proud, though. Because no one should be proud of this," She muttered, looking at herself.

Izzie shook her head at Meredith's last remark, "He has every right to be proud of you. You _did _fight, Meredith. You said no. I'm proud of you for that."

The other woman just shook her head, and then continued on, "So I told him I didn't want to be alone tonight. I don't want to be alone. I asked him to come spend the night here. But, Izz, what if he tries something?"

"He loves you. He won't."

"Finn loves me."

"_Anyone _who does that, doesn't love you. Okay?"

Meredith shook her head, "He said he couldn't have been touching me like that if he didn't love me, though."

Izzie sighed softly, "Do you honestly believe that?" The other girl nodded slowly. Izzie shook her head, "That's not what love is, though. You know that. Love is being safe and protected when you're lying in their arms. Love isn't being hurt like that. Can I ask you a question?"

Meredith shrugged, "Why not?"

"When Derek was first in the exam room - before anything else happened, any exam, any talk, anything, okay? – When he first entered, how did he make you feel?"

"Safe," She whispered softly, "I trusted him. I knew he wouldn't hurt me or push me. I was safe."

"That's what love is," Izzie replied, "Not what Finn did. Not being forced to have sex when you don't want to, okay?"

Meredith nodded again, "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Izzie helped her friend stand up and get her balance. After that, she watched Meredith hobble off into her bedroom. She wasn't going to push it. Meredith needed time and space, and no matter what, Izzie would be there the second she was needed.

_fine_

A/N: Short chapter, no? I'm sorry about that. I'm slowly bringing Derek back in, though. You should love me for that…right? I don't know. I wrote this after my own hearing, so I was kind of in a crappy mood…didn't feel overly safe…and just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep. But I couldn't. So this came from it. And I had my friend Jackson on the phone ¾ of the time, because he wanted to make sure I was okay after today.

At least I'm writing, still! I debated ditching the whole fan fiction last night…and then I decided I couldn't do that. Because I need to write it for myself. But that's a whole nother story to be discovered some other time. It took me forever to find a song name that fit this chapter, too! So yeah. But then my friend Amy was all, "I love this song!" and I was like, "What song" and she said the title…and its Kelly Clarkson…and I listened…and it worked…sorta…although, I despise Kelly.

I'm done now. G'night all, and thank you for reading! Please,**_ please_**, **_PLEASE_** let me know what you think and what I can do to improve! That helps so much when I'm writing…so yeah, thank you again!


	9. One Step Up

A/N: So…thanks for the reviews. I never expected to get over 100 reviews on a story! This excites me, and I thank everyone, especially my "regular" readers! While it can be hard to write this at times, it's just as enjoyable in other moments. Ok, maybe it's not enjoyable…but it's helpful, and I love writing. So yeah.

Chapter 9. Are ya ready? Definitely there's going to be some Derek. I warn everyone now, though, Meredith needs to learn to trust men again…well, she needs to learn to trust the HUMAN RACE in general. Sorry about that…but she'll have setbacks with all the people she's associated with. That's life when this is what you're dealing with. I do apologize…because I want them happy just like the next person! So, that covers that.

I had a question as to where Cristina is…and she'll return. I'll tell you that much. It's just going to be…well…rocky. Meredith may be her person, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with her right now. Meredith is struggling because Cristina saw her naked, bruised, and battered. That's hard to handle.

Also, this is a product of playing Slingo late at night and no new _Grey's Anatomy _episodes. Therefore, I cannot be held responsible for the outcomes. Oh! And If you don't know the game, check out www . slingo . com (take out all of the spaces, of course) and PLAY "Slingo Millennium" or whatever its called! I am so addicted to this game…much thanks to my big sister! So, that's what we get.

Without further ado…

**Chapter 9: One Step Up**

Meredith was playing with her dinner, nervous for what was to come. She glanced at the clock which read 6:45. It had only been five minutes since the last time she checked, and she was positive Derek would be there any moment. She pushed the chicken breast George had cooked across her plate for what seemed to be the hundredth time that night.

The doorbell rang and Meredith jumped slightly. Izzie wiped her mouth with a napkin, rose from the table slowly, and walked to the door. George glanced at Meredith, who was very focused on the plate before her. She heard Derek's strong, soothing voice as he greeted Izzie and the door shutting. George removed the plate that was resting in front of his friend and placed it in the sink, with every intention to wash it later.

He watched from behind the counter as McDreamy stepped cautiously into the room. Meredith seemed very content with staring at the wooden table in front of her. Izzie took her seat and continued with her meal. George, not being able to stand the silence, broke the silence first, "If you're hungry, we have extra dinner. Chicken breast, green peas, and mashed potatoes."

Derek offered a simple smile and a nod, "Thank you, O'Malley, but I ate before I left the hospital."

"Well," George replied, "Please make yourself comfortable."

"Thank you."

Meredith glanced up at the man just standing in the middle of their dining area. She desperately wanted to say something, but was unsure of what would be appropriate. She caught his attention and stared into his eyes for a moment. After a bit, though, an awkward feeling came over her. She was almost frightened. She knew he would never hurt her, yet something in her head said not to trust anyone. She looked away quickly, directing her attention at the very interesting napkin sitting on the table.

"Hello, Mer," He stated softly.

"Derek," She replied. Her voice was cold and emotionless. She watched him cautiously take a seat across from her and then returned her attention to her napkin. It was a bit dirty – she'd spilled the gravy from her mashed potatoes and had used the flimsy paper to wipe up the mess. He watched her intently, hoping to figure out a way to reach her later.

It didn't take long before the awkwardness of the situation got to Meredith's two roommates. Izzie politely excused herself from the table and then requested George's help in changing the light bulb in a lamp in her room. They both knew Derek wouldn't touch Meredith unless she was ready, yet, one of them appeared to have some reservations.

"Do you need anything," George questioned the female at the table.

Meredith took a deep breath before answering him, "Do I appear _that _incapable of caring for myself? Yes, I had sex with a vet," Her voice was loud. George looked shocked. She ignored the facial expression and continued, "I may not have wanted to, but it happened. Do I wish I could take it back, of course!"

"I didn't mean to upset you," George stammered.

"I can take care of myself. I'm not going to break if you leave me alone. Why doesn't anyone see that! What do I need to do to prove to everyone that I'm alright? Do I need to go sleep around? Is it that I'm supposed to be hurt?"

Derek stood up and moved across the table, "You're not supposed to be anything. You're supposed to deal how you need to."

Meredith grabbed her crutches and stood up, "I don't need to _deal _with anything! All I need is to be left alone. It's not like I've never slept with anyone before. I believe three people in this room know that for certain." She glared at George and Derek respectively. After that, she continued, her voice softer, "I may have said no and pushed him away, but I still led him on. I still let him think I wanted it. This is no one's fault but my own, and that's life. But it's over now. It was one time. I don't care, anymore."

With that, the blonde hobbled off, barely making her way up the stairs without falling. Derek cringed as she cursed loudly at herself and closed his eyes when the door to her bedroom slammed shut. George was staring wide eyed at the spot where his friend had once stood. Izzie leaned against a wall and closed her eyes, "This is going to be harder than I thought."

Derek sighed, "I can't believe she said it was no big deal. I can't believe I watched that and didn't stop her."

"Don't beat yourself up. She's just hurting," Izzie whispered.

No other words were said. Derek climbed the stairs, taking them by twos, in order to get to the woman he loved. He rapped gently at the door, hoping for a response.

"Go away," the woman said between sobs.

"Let me in, please?"

"No."

Derek sighed, "I promise not to hurt you or expect anything. I won't ask if you're okay or if you need anything. I won't talk to you or look at you. I'll just come in and sit with you. If you want to talk, we can, but we don't have to."

"You can't want to even be near a slut like me," Meredith stated softly.

"You're _not _a slut," Derek replied. "Someone hurt you, and George didn't mean to make it seem as though we thought you couldn't care for yourself. He wanted to be certain that you were okay, though. You are _not _a slut, Meredith Grey."

"Yes I am."

"I don't want to hear that, okay? Please, let me in and we can talk about it."

He could hear her sigh and then speak again, "I don't want to talk about it."

As upset as he was getting at her stubborn nature, he remained calm. Derek considered the next course of action and decided what to say, "We don't have to talk then. How about I come in and we play a game of cards? Nothing big, just a game of gin. How does that sound?"

He sat outside of her door for another minute or so, listening carefully for any sounds from inside. He could hear her up moving, the crutches didn't allow for much in the way of privacy. Next thing he knew, Meredith was standing by an open door, "Come in, before I change my mind."

Derek smiled softly and walked into the room. She rummaged through a drawer in her dresser and through a deck of cards on her bed. Slowly sitting down, she glared at the man, silently urging him to take the initiative and start the game already. Quickly picking up on her message, the neurosurgeon picked up the deck of cards, removed the jokers, and began shuffling. While the silence was getting to him, he knew better than to try to talk to the woman sitting on the bed looking at her cards carefully. The last thing he wanted or needed right now was to push her away even more.

He allowed himself to get comfortable in the chair by her bed and play the game with her. Derek was content with just being in the same room as her, knowing that Meredith didn't even want him around the night before. It was like she wanted to pretend it hadn't happened, yet, she couldn't. The game went on in silence until Meredith laid her hand of cards on the bed and Derek's eyes got wide.

"Gin," She whispered.

"Already?"

Meredith didn't smile, just pushed the cards toward him again. Usually, the winner would shuffle, but Derek didn't push it. He looked at the blonde as he messed with the cards, "You look tired."

"We aren't talking about it, remember?"

"Just an observation," He muttered.

She shrugged, "It's alright."

Derek put the cards down, "Meredith."

"Don't _Meredith _me," Her voice was firm. Derek looked kind of surprised as she continued on, "I slept with Finn. Alright? I made a mistake and let him have his way. It's my fault. We've all covered this several times now and I'm rather sick of it. I'm fine. In a bit of pain, but fine. Don't try to make me talk about this. Please, just let me pretend it never happened."

He set the cards down and scooted his chair a bit closer to the bed. "You're not fine, and it did happen," His voice was soft – just like when he had first entered the hospital room. Meredith felt comfortable with that voice. She knew it was okay when she heard him. He saw some of the tension leave her body and began speaking again, "You said no, you didn't sleep with him, you were attacked and violated. That's not how it's supposed to be. You know that."

"But I did sleep with him," the young blonde reminded the older man. "The first night I went over there. It was the last night when I didn't want to. I guess if you do it once, though, then any other old time is fine. You're obligated to do it again."

"You're not obligated to do anything," He whispered. Meredith looked confused. He explained, "You slept with me, did you not?"

She nodded and pulled away to the other side of the bed. Derek didn't reach out to her for fear of scaring her into thinking she had to sleep with him, too. Instead, he watched for a second and waited until her breathing had steadied again, then continued, "However, I know that you could say no to me at any time and I would have stopped everything and said it was fine. I would do that because I respect the fact that you don't want to do anything. You were _not _obligated to sleep with Finn that next time. He had no right to force you into it."

With that, Meredith Grey cried again. Dragging her injured leg behind her, she scooted to the edge of the bed closest to Shepherd. Derek stood up and reached out his arms to the young woman, who opened hers in acceptance. He scooped her up and sat back in the chair, cradling her has you'd embrace a young child recovering from a horrific nightmare. He cooed gentle words into her ear and ran a hand gently through her hair. He kissed her forehead and sighed from relief when she didn't pull away. He held her close and refused to let go.

The blonde child cried until she had no tears left. She soaked through the shoulder of the male doctor's dark blue scrubs and maintained a death grip on the fabric covering his chest. The man didn't let go of her for anything. He looked at the woman in his arms and reminded himself silently that she was still broken and needed to heal before he could worry about anything else. Before long, he could see her eyelids growing heavy and took note that she was trying her hardest to remain awake.

Knowing she needed nothing more than a good night's rest, he shifted a bit so he was more comfortable. After that, he looked at her and, in the most soothing voice he could muster, spoke to her, "Sleep, Meredith. I'll stay right here and hold you close. If anything happens, I'll protect you. I promise."

In seconds, she was sleeping. He made a mental note to remember every moment of this, as he wasn't sure how often she would be this open with her. Derek felt her head on his shoulder, the feeling of her tiny fists gripping his scrubs, took in the smell of the lavender that she still used on her hair, and forced himself to remember the feeling of having her in his arms once again. This was how it was supposed to be – protecting the one he loved and knowing that it would never change.

For him, nothing could be more perfect. This is how he wanted to feel forever. He was in love, and whether or not Meredith would accept him now wasn't known. All Derek could guarantee was that he would never leave her alone. He would catch her when she fell and be her safe haven if she needed it. Nothing would ever change the love he felt for her. It couldn't

While both of them had a long road, if they traveled it together, they would be able to make it through. He was sure of that. It was just a matter of whether or not Meredith could handle the long haul.

He felt her move slightly in his arms and looked at her immediately, checking her entire body for signs of distress. Finding none, he went back to thinking, knowing fully and completely that he wouldn't be getting much sleep. Someone would keep him awake – he promised to be there and hold her. He would never break that promise.

_fine_

A/N: I definitely can't decide how I feel about this chapter. I feel like I moved the MerDer relationship too fast…but I'm not sure. Every person responds differently…and I don't know. So I'll see what everyone says. If they don't like it, then I guess I'll rewrite the chapter. It just kind of happened…I wasn't even thinking about it.

Meanwhile – I had competitions last week and am proud to say in two of my lecture competitions (reciting something that is anywhere from 2 and a half paragraphs to 4 pager long) I got a 2nd place award and a 1st place award, and in my voice competition, I took 5th place out of like 20 some girls. So I'm pretty happy with that…

Thanks for reading and sticking with me! Please let me know what you think…it means a lot to hear what you guys think:)


	10. Walking Contradiction

A/N: Thank you very much to everyone who said that they liked last chapter. I got a lot of great responses saying that MerDer wasn't moving too fast, which made me just say, "Alrighty, then. We're not changing this one…"

Also, thank you for congratulating me on my competition outcomes last week. I have to say…abandoning my story for four whole days to focus on that is worth it now! It was exciting and fun. It was all through **_Job's Daughters_** if anyone has heard of it…although, I doubt you have…and it was a lot of fun!

Here we go, Chapter 10…and page 50 in Microsoft Word. That includes all of my A/Ns and…and starting a new page at the end of each chapter…but still…it's over 20,000 words, and I've _never_ gotten this far on a fanfiction. Definitely gonna keep this chapter pretty MerDer heavy…just a warning.

Without further ado…

**Chapter 10: Walking Contradiction**

Derek may have been tired, but there was no way he would fall asleep tonight. Meredith needed him, and that's exactly how it would remain. He held her close. The sleeping form had yet to loosen her grip on his blue scrubs top. That was okay with him though. The blonde hadn't shown any discomfort or fear yet, but he didn't know what to expect. She seemed so vulnerable and so scared after what happened that he wasn't willing to risk _anything. _

There were three light raps on the door. He turned his head to see a different blonde in the doorway. A look crossed her face – first of unease, next of relief. Derek let a sad smile escape from his lips. Izzie nodded and came in to sit on her friend's bed. She didn't speak, just watched. Meredith was slowly easing herself into a more comfortable position. Derek shifted with her, hoping not to wake the sleeping woman.

After several minutes, Izzie broke the awkward silence, "She trusts you?"

"I'm not sure," He whispered softly. "All I did was reiterate what I'm sure everyone has said – that it wasn't her fault – and she lost it. I held her because she needed someone, and then I told her to sleep. I promised I wouldn't leave."

Izzie nodded, "She needs someone like you."

"I just hope I can be what she needs," The man said despairingly.

"Just so you know, she had a nightmare earlier when she took a nap. She started shouting something and tossing and turning," Izzie's voice shook softly as the memory came back to the surface. She pushed her emotions aside and kept talking to the other doctor, "Just, don't let her get too far in. I don't know how easy it would be to pull her out."

Derek nodded and ran a hand gently through Meredith's blonde hair. Izzie stood up, offered up a small nod in the man's direction, and left the room quietly. He heard a door shut and felt Meredith's body tense slightly. Within seconds, though, she relaxed again. One hand still held loosely to his scrubs, while the other was nestled underneath her head. He was relieved that the body in his arms had yet to stir, as she'd only had an hour of sleep yet. Still, he was worried that she wouldn't remain in a resting state for a very long time. The way Izzie looked as she spoke of Meredith's nightmare was enough to convince him that he did not want to be a witness to another.

It didn't matter whether or not he wanted to witness what could happen. Derek knew that much. What _did _matter was that he had made a promise to the woman he loved. He had sworn to protect her and hold her no matter what. He couldn't give that up. He wouldn't.

---

Meredith had been asleep for nearly three hours by the time Derek started losing feeling in his legs. As light and skinny as the blonde who was cradled in his arms was, nothing changed the fact that no movement for three hours still made the legs feel funny. He wiggled his toes and ignored it for another hour or so until Meredith began turning. At first, it looked like she was just getting more comfortable. However, she started muttering little, nonsense, words under her breath and finally shouted something that Derek couldn't comprehend.

It took him a moment to know what to do, and then the neurosurgeon quickly acted. He kissed her forehead and started talking. Every word was a word of comfort – something to ease the fear. Slowly, Meredith calmed down and opened her eyes. She tried to pull away at first, until she recognized the arms that protected her from harm. Derek loosened his grip on Meredith and kissed her forehead gently. He ran a hand through her hair and spoke very softly, "It's me, Derek. I won't hurt you."

She relaxed into his arms, accepting the embrace that he was willing to offer. Derek continued whispering soft words into her ears, "I promised I'd be here, didn't I? It's alright now, you just had a nightmare. It wasn't real."

The blonde's breathing was still unsteady and the look in her eyes was one of fear. While Meredith knew she was safe in Derek's arms, she was still scared. What if she _wasn't _safe? What if he tried to hurt her? Meredith tensed up again as the thoughts crossed her mind. The man wasn't sure as to what he should do. It appeared that the woman didn't want him there, but she wouldn't release her death grip on his upper arms for anything. So he sat there, silently, waiting for some sign.

It took a few minutes, but soon, Meredith spoke, "Get out. Get out."

"Meredith," Derek pushed. He didn't get it. She wanted him gone?

"Finn," She whispered. Hatred filled the woman's voice. She looked into Derek's eyes for the first time since the night before, "I want him out of this room and out of this house. You promised to protect me, do it. Get him out of here, _please." _

She was pleading with him to kick an invisible person out of the house. Derek didn't understand. Confusion covered his face and he decided the only thing to do would be call Addison. He didn't want to, he had to. So, very carefully, he placed the shaking figure of Meredith Grey on her back in her bed. She wouldn't release his upper arms, and he had to make the phone call. Thinking quickly, he knew exactly what to say, "If you let go of me, I'll go call the police so they come and arrest him, okay?"

Meredith carefully and hesitantly removed her hands from his arms. Derek offered her a comforting look before pulling too far away, "I'm just going to be right across the room. He can't hurt you while I'm in here. Okay?"

The Blonde nodded, giving Shepherd the confidence to go call his soon-to-be ex-wife. While it would be the most awkward thing ever at 1:30 in the morning, he knew he had no choice. Addison connected so well with the injured intern that he didn't know who else to call. He heard the ring of her cell phone on the other end and her drowsy voice greeting him.

Derek quickly regained his composure, "Addy?"

"Are you alright? Is Meredith okay?"

"It's fine," He assured the panicked woman. "She's just, well, she was having a nightmare and I woke her up and she's been asking me to get him out of her room and her house. I'm facing her. She's curled up in a ball on her bed, shaking. I told her I was calling the police to come help me get rid of him. What's wrong with her, Addison?"

"She's probably having a flashback. It's a bit early in the healing process, but everyone is different," The voice on the other end was cool and collected – calming Derek's nerves. She spoke again, "Sit with her and tell her he's gone. I'll be over in about twenty minutes. Don't leave her alone, whatever you do."

"Thank you, Addison."

"Of course. I'll see you soon."

Derek hung up the phone and returned to the chair by Meredith's bed. Without touching her, he sat down and pulled the chair closer. Slowly and quietly, he started to address her, "Mer? It's just me. I promise, he's gone. Will you look at me?"

There was no response outside of moving further from the voice. Derek sighed and tried again, "Finn's gone. I promise. I made him leave. Will you look at me? Please?"

Meredith rolled over to face him. Derek felt a little more confident, but just as scared as before. He had about twenty minutes worth of time to fill before Addison arrived. He held a hand out to the woman on the bed, who grabbed it and held on like it was her only lifeline. He started talking to her again, "He's gone. I won't let anyone hurt you like that. Do you understand?"

She nodded. Her face was void of all emotion, but she was still looking at him. Derek didn't know what to say. The girl looked more than broken, she looked too far gone. She looked almost as though the Meredith he used to know and love would never truly be back. The only thing that scared him more than never having the woman he loved whole again was not having her at all. Closing his eyes, he offered a silent prayer to whatever gods there may be in this world to help make her whole again.

As he reopened his eyes, he saw Meredith staring at him blankly. Not knowing what to say, he just rambled, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine."

Not convinced with her dull response, he pushed a little, "Does anything hurt?"

"No."

"Are you tired?"

"No."

He didn't know how to take her single word answers. Maybe she just didn't want to talk, but that wasn't right. How could you go from thinking the man who raped you was in your house and be fine the next moment. Unfortunately, Derek didn't know how to read any of it, nor had he ever dealt closely enough with it to know what to do. He sat there silently for a while until he heard the doorbell ring. Meredith jumped at the sound and he heard George or Izzie slam the door to one of the other bedrooms. That didn't help the intern under his watch at all.

"It's okay, Mer," He whispered soothingly. "I'm here and no one can hurt you here. I promise."

He continued uttering caring phrases. They were soft and comforting, perfect for Meredith, who seemed to melt into the sounds. She scooted closer to him and he gently pulled her into a hug. She sat up a bit and rocked back and forth gently in his arms. He heard footsteps ascending the stairs and approaching Meredith's bedroom. She made no sign that anything was happening. There were three soft taps at the door and Derek turned to see Addison shepherd in blue jeans, a blue long sleeved t-shirt, and red hair pulled into a messy pony tail.

"Hey," She stated softly.

Meredith looked at the door and nodded towards Addison. She remained close to Derek's warm, strong body. She felt safe and protected again, and she didn't want to lose that. Addison entered the confines of the bedroom she had spent the previous night in, walked to the other side of the room and sat on the bed. She rested a hand on Meredith's back, rubbing gentle, small circles. Meredith quickly relaxed into a comfortable position.

"He's gone, right?" She whispered after several minutes of silence.

Derek looked to Addison, a silent plea to help him. Addison nodded, "He's gone."

Tension was released from the small body as she realized that no one would hurt her at the moment. She sat up slowly and leaned against Derek's body as much as she could. Addison visibly cringed at the action. Derek caught it, but Meredith was completely clueless as to the events happening around her. She nestled closer to the safe body and he willingly accepted her. Even if Addison's presence was awkward, Satan was making Meredith comfortable and had been more successful in convincing the younger woman that she was safe. For that, he was grateful.

"So," Meredith started, "I guess we need to talk about something."

Addison looked lost, "What do we need to talk about?"

"Whether or not I'm pressing charges."

Derek grabbed her hand in a supporting gesture, "We don't have to talk about that now if you aren't quite ready."

"I need to something," Meredith replied firmly.

Addison nodded, "That is, quite possibly, going to be your hardest step. Now, I never took that step-" Derek's jaw dropped at Addison's words, "-but if you feel the need, I understand. In fact, I urge you to do so."

Meredith closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She didn't want to. She never wanted to see him again. However, that wasn't her only problem. The hospital was required to report it. She would either have to go through with it or deny the truth and say she was confused and scared. That, however, wasn't true.

"You know I didn't have a choice but to inform the police," Addison whispered. "They need to talk to you about it. I'm sorry, and I wish I could have avoided it, but any rape kit examination-"

"-has to be reported to the authorities," Meredith finished in a timid voice.

Derek pulled her close, "Whatever you do, you know we both believe you and we'll both stand by you."

He, however, was still in shock from finding out that Addison had been raped and had yet to get any information. Meredith shifted out of his reach, "I have to pee, guys. Sorry."

Derek grabbed the crutches leaning on the wall near him and helped her out of bed. The two said they'd wait for her right there and assured her one final time that she was safe. As soon as Meredith was out of her bedroom, Derek shifted into a comfortable position on the bed. He looked Addison in the eyes, opened his mouth, and spoke, "You never told me."

"Told you what?"

Derek glanced at the bedspread and then back at his wife of eleven years, "That you…you were raped."

_fine_

A/N: Alrighty. That seemed like a good place to end it. Obviously there will be an interesting conversation between Derek and Addison soon. And that whole little talk with the police. I know Meredith's whole "I gotta pee" thing was awkward, but I really needed to get her out of the room so that Derek could approach Addison. I mean, come one, your wife and best friend of eleven years was raped and never told you! That would be an interesting realization, wouldn't it?

And I don't know how I like this chapter. I know I say that a lot…but this really wasn't what I'd intended on having happen. At All. So let me know what you think. I'll rewrite if necessary…because this is totally crappy, I think. Thanks a ton for reading! It means a lot!


	11. Walk Away

A/N: Glad the "I've gotta pee" thing went over well…I was nervous about that. Now for some serious Addison and Derek discussion time. I'm not so sure I'm ready to write this. I'm so nervous about how this will or will not turn out. Please don't kill me for butchering it! That's my warning in advance.

Ohh…Mini-Golf…it _rocked! _I had a blast…and the hot guy turned out to be pretty sweet and funny! It was one of the first times since my own experience that I've really just let loose and allowed myself to be completely comfortable and trusting. I hope, before too long, I can get Meredith to that point while still remaining fairly, I don't know, realistic. We'll see what happens. But, alas, I love my own boyfriend too much. Hot band guy (named David) is just going to remain one of the world's coolest people and an awesome friend!

Warning: Bad, slow, and not so worthwhile chapter…Then again, part of it was written shortly after getting the call that my friend died in a car accident and I was just kind of writing and keeping my mind off of it. Part of it was written after hanging with David.

Alrighty then.

Without further ado…

**Chapter 11: Walk Away**

_"I have to pee, guys. Sorry." _

_Derek grabbed the crutches leaning on the wall near him and helped her out of bed. The two said they'd wait for her right there and assured her one final time that she was safe. As soon as Meredith was out of her bedroom, Derek shifted into a comfortable position on the bed. He looked Addison in the eyes, opened his mouth, and spoke, "You never told me."_

_"Told you what?"_

_Derek glanced at the bedspread and then back at his wife of eleven years, "That you…you were raped."_

Addison felt the room closing in on her. She didn't know what to say. Derek had just approached about the one thing that she never thought she would have to discuss with him. While she hadn't been thinking when she mentioned it to Meredith, she still figured the love of her life wouldn't have picked up on it. She closed her eyes and hung her head. Now was the time to tell him – there wasn't any other option.

He looked at her softly, "I know it's got to be hard, but can you at least tell me why I had never been told?"

"I was disappointed and scared you wouldn't love me anymore," Addison stated. "It was before I ever met you, but that didn't change the fact that it hurt and I figured if I told you, you would think I was dirty and undeserving. You would think it was my fault."

"I never would have thought that, Addy."

"I know that, now," said Addison. "But then, we were so happy without that burden. I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I didn't know how. I didn't see a point."

"That explains why you never sleep at night. It also explains why a rape victim would stick with you for months afterwards," He stopped and glanced at the door Meredith had just walked out of. Soon, he looked back to the woman in the room. His face was that of understanding. "That's why you were so kind to Meredith."

Addison nodded. She remained quiet, but didn't take her gaze off of Derek. She suddenly understood why Meredith was so comfortable in his arms. He wasn't angry – or if he was, he didn't show it – nor was he radiating a feeling of shame. He was simply supportive, caring, and protective. She closed her eyes to prevent the tears from spilling down her cheeks. Soon realizing it wouldn't work, she gave up and let them fall.

Derek reached out a hand and rested it on her shoulder, "This doesn't change anything. You know that. I love you as my best friend. I always will. However, if you need me…I'm here. I promise. But, Addison, who was it?"

"A guy from school," She whispered. "I was sixteen and at a party with my friends. He was one of my friends and offered to give me a ride home. He pulled off on some side street and, well, the rest is history."

The toilet flushed and Addison struggled with her composure. Derek pulled his hand away from her and watched as Meredith hobbled into the bedroom. She hopped onto her bed and sat comfortably near Derek. She switched her gaze between the couple and nodded silently. She settled on observing Addison's puffy eyes and careful stature. Slowly, the intern put two and two together, "You told him."

Addison nodded slowly. Derek took in a deep breath and offered a sigh in response. Meredith sensed the tension in the room. She knew the conversation had been left unfinished.

"You know," She stated. "I can give you two some time if you need it. I'm okay, honest."

"No," Addison responded firmly, "You aren't okay. We'll stay right here. Derek and I can always finish our conversation later."

Meredith swallowed hard, knowing that it was the truth. She wasn't too positive she could be alone anymore. Every time she turned around, she was positive Finn was behind her. Yet, the two of them obviously needed time to discuss the new information that had been brought to light. The intern thought quickly and then spoke, "Look, I made a big deal out of nothing, okay? Finn and I slept together, but it wasn't out of force, okay? It was mutual. I lied. There we go, story covered."

Derek shook his head. Her fake exterior didn't fool him. She was hurting and scared. She didn't want to be touched the night before and now she's insisting that it was nothing and she lied. That wasn't, and couldn't be, the Meredith he had always known. Meredith looked at him and didn't understand why it was so hard for him to just let her be. She didn't want the pity so many had to offer. It wasn't as though she couldn't survive alone, after all.

"I insist the two of you go. Seriously, I'm keeping you awake," Meredith pleaded.

"I'm not leaving," Said the male.

Addison shrugged, "If he stays, I stay."

"Damn," The blond whispered. She carefully laid down on her bed, head resting on a pillow, and closed her eyes. Meredith didn't want them there. It was that simple. She would have to deal with the fact that she caused what happened at some point and time, and it might as well be now. Why didn't anyone get that?

Obviously, the concept was too difficult to grasp, considering Addison and Derek were still on either side of her, hovering and waiting to figure out what they needed to do next. Meredith pulled a pillow over her head in attempt to block them out. She wanted time to herself. She wanted space. She needed to think and evaluate her worth. It was just what she _needed _to do at that moment, and for some unknown reason, the bickering married couple couldn't comprehend her desire to be alone.

Derek noticed the pillow being shoved over the younger woman's head and held up a hand to silent Addison. He carefully searched for the necessary words before he spoke to her. Deciding that he might as well take a chance, the man opened his mouth and talked to the intern, "I'm sorry if you want to be alone. I'm just worried about you. Do you understand that?"

"Yes," The muffled voice sounded through the pillow.

"So," Derek responded, "Is it all right if I stay here with you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Meredith sighed, "Because I want some time to be alone and think. I don't want to be surrounded by people all the time right now, okay? I just want time."

Derek looked slightly offended and opened his mouth as if to speak again. He, however, stopped as Addison gave him a sharp look. Hanging his head in defeat, he remained silent.

Addison then took the chance to offer her two cents, "I know you want to be alone. I wanted nothing more than that myself. Yet, I'm worried about you. You have nightmares, cry constantly, and haven't talked to anyone about this. You're blaming yourself and positive that nothing was wrong in what happened. What you're doing isn't healthy, and that concerns me."

Meredith pulled the pillow away from her head, "I don't care."

"Why don't you care," Addison questioned caringly.

"Because I don't. Nothing is wrong here, I am fine. I slept with Finn, so what? Not a big deal."

Derek shook his head, "It is a big deal. You change your story every time you tell it. Sometimes he raped you and other times it's not a big deal. Now, I know you're not lying," He said slowly, "But I don't understand why you're trying to deny it."

"I don't want you to worry," whispered Meredith.

Addison scooted closer to the intern and ran a hand through the younger woman's hair very gently. She gave a sad smile and gave her best go at comforting words, "We're both going to worry, Meredith. Nothing is going to change that. You were hurt, both mentally and physically, and I think you need help." Addison broached the next subject very carefully, "I think you should consider going to see a counselor, or at least attending a group for women who have gone through what you have. It could really help."

Meredith's facial expression changed from one of understanding to anger in the course of a second. She sat up in bed and pushed Addison away. Tears forming in her eyes, the blonde grabbed her crutches, struggled out of bed, hobbled out of her bedroom, and slammed the door behind her. Tears started to fall as she knocked at Izzie's door. Her roommate opened the door, saw her friend's distraught manor, and escorted her in.

"She thinks I'm unstable or something," Meredith sobbed.

Izzie wrapped her arms around her friend lovingly and rubbed her back. She didn't know what had happened, but it was obviously something very uncomfortable for Meredith. It took nearly thirty-five minutes to calm her friend, and once the sobbing had subsided to slight whispers, Izzie led her to the bed and the two sat down next to each other.

"Mer," She stated softly. "What happened?"

"Addison," Meredith replied.

"What did she say?"

"That I should go see a counselor or attend group therapy. That it could _help _me. She thinks I've gone crazy, Izz. And I haven't."

Izzie pursed her lips, considering the advice her friend had just been given. It made sense, after all. Meredith wasn't dealing with the events of the previous few days and it seemed as though no one could get through to her. It was possible that counseling may be of more assistance and could help her to recover. How was she supposed to tell Meredith that she agreed with Satan and still maintain their friendship?

Meredith watched her intently. She couldn't believe what she was seeing – Izzie was hesitating on her response. It was almost as if…as if her friend didn't agree.

"Screw this," Meredith whispered, "I'm going to stay with Cristina."

With that, Izzie watched the blond leave her room, heard her going down the stairs, and nothing else was said. The ex-model hung her head and stood up to go follow. Yet, with two steps out of the door, she figured it was best to give her friend some time. After all, everyone seemed to be making her uncomfortable at the moment.

_fine_

….Okay…there ya go…Cristina's coming back…Meredith is kind of upset…and no one knows what to do. Crappy chapter. Not what I'd planned. Incredibly sorry. Also, I'm very sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'll try to post more often, but life is so hectic right now…yeah.

Comments and criticism are welcome. I know there will be a lot of it this chapter.


	12. Victim of my Life

A/N: Okay, thank you for all the ego boosting compliments that have been coming my way. I feel odd, because it's like I think it's awful, but everyone else thinks that this is actually worth something. So, like it or not, I'm going to ask one final time. Please don't lie if you think it's crappy! I think it's horrible. So…yeah…that would be my final plea. Thank you.

Also, thank you for the kind thoughts for me and my friend's family. The funeral was a while ago…and I wrote this right after. It was very nice and it's over now…so I'm focusing on other stuff. So here we go. Chapter 12. Hopefully it's okay!

Also, this will be your last update for about two weeks. I'm out of town in San Antonio and then a band camp…I will post as soon as I can, but I won't have access to a computer or internet for that time. Sorry, guys!

Without further Ado…

**Chapter 12: Victim of my Life**

The phone was ringing. She was waiting for someone to answer, but of course Cristina wasn't at her apartment. Burke was still in the hospital, where else would her friend be? Meredith sighed and hung up her cell phone. Quickly, she punched in the numbers to her friend's cell phone.

_Ring. _Once. _Ring. _Twice. _Ring. _Three times. Silently, Mer prayed for Yang to answer her phone. It may be 2:30 in the morning, but she was Cristina's person. Meredith just hoped that the feeling went both ways.. Half way through the fourth ring, the voice rang through the cell phone pressed to the blonde's ear, "Hello? Meredith?"

"Cristina," She whispered softly, "I…I can't stay here. I won't."

Cristina was half asleep, causing her comprehension of Meredith's words to be lower than usual. Yet, it was obvious her friend was upset. She tried to understand, "What's wrong?"

"They want me to get counseling and think I can't handle this."

"Who is 'they?'"

Meredith took a deep breath, trying not to lose her composure, "Derek, Addison, and Izzie."

Cristina didn't speak for a few seconds in an attempt to find the right words to say. While she agreed with the over all concept the three had presented, Meredith obviously wasn't happy about it or ready. What do you say to someone at a time like that? She waited, deciding that Meredith would have to make the next move so the other intern could come up with something that won't ruin everything.

"I…I was thinking," Meredith started slowly. "That maybe I could stay with you for the rest of the night? The hospital or wherever, honestly, I'm fine with that. I can't stay here, with people who think I'm crazy and unstable."

Cristina sighed audibly. She didn't want to go get Meredith for no reason other than knowing the other three are right. Her friend needed more help than any of them could provide, and while it killed her inside to tell that to the desperate girl on the other end of the phone, she had no choice.

"Please. I'll be quiet or something. I'll do anything. Cristina," Meredith pleaded. Tears filled the blonde's voice in an obvious desperation.

"I can't," Cristina stated harshly. "And it's not that I don't want to, because I do. You're my person, Mer. I want to take it all away, I really do, but I think that the others are right." Cristina silently scolded herself for agreeing before she continued, "We can't give you what you need right now, and I don't even know where to start."

The blonde closed her eyes, trying desperately not to yell at her friend. She didn't know what to do, though. Everyone was against her.

"I'm…I'm sorry," Cristina offered meekly.

"Like hell you are," said Meredith bitterly. She hung up her cell phone, looked at it hatefully, and threw it, with all her might, across the room. She watched the device hit the wall and shatter into four or five different pieces.

Sinking to the floor, she pulled her knees to her chest and cried. She wasn't hiding it anymore. She wasn't going to try to tell people she was fine. If they wanted her to be crazy and upset, then that's exactly what she'd be. No more trying to save everyone else from the unbearable pain she was going through. She was done with that. If they wanted her to deal, she would deal in the best way she knew how.

Meredith rose from her position in the middle of the living room, got her crutches off of the couch, and made her way to the kitchen. She was quiet – not wanting to wake anyone or cause any means for alarm. Obviously, the phone being destroyed wasn't enough noise to warrant an investigation, so she intended on maintaining that level of sound. She opened a cabinet door and pulled down a bottle of tequila. Grabbing a glass, Meredith poured the first of what was to become many drinks.

She heard someone coming down the stairs after one too many drinks, and thought nothing of it. Part of her was nervous, could the person be Finn? However, another part of her was too drunk to care. The person entered the kitchen and sighed. Meredith turned and smiled at Derek's face, "Want some?" She whispered, grabbing the bottle and showing it to the man. He walked over to the stool she was sitting on and stood by it. She put her arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him.

Carefully, Derek took the bottle from Meredith's hands and gently pushed her away. She looked hurt, but he wasn't going to let her do something she would regret in the morning, especially with Addison upstairs. He put the bottle back on the counter gently and watched as Meredith got her crutches and stood up, losing her balance on the way. Derek shook his head as he steadied her.

"Let's get you upstairs," He said quietly.

In a gentle, caring manner, he picked up the woman and got the crutches leaning against the counter. He'd worry about grabbing them later, and situated Meredith so he was cradling her like a parent cradles a child. Derek turned and started walking towards the stairs, watching as Meredith closed her eyes. She didn't say a word – she simply looked content.

He passed Izzie's door on his way to Meredith's room. The ex-model was sitting in the doorway and rose as they passed. Meredith wasn't asleep, but fairly close – her eyes still closed – and Derek shook his head softly as he glanced at Izzie.

"What happened, Dr. Shepherd?"

He sighed, "Get rid of all the alcohol in the house. She got a hold of the tequila."

Izzie nodded as they walked away. Derek knew that Meredith just wanted it to go away, and he couldn't blame her for that, but she still needed help. It wasn't going to go away. He made his way into her bedroom and Addison rose as they entered. It seemed to be a pattern in the last night: Meredith comes in and people stand up. It was almost like she was royalty.

Derek sat down on the bed, Meredith Grey still in his arms. He wasn't letting her go until they could actually talk. He didn't trust her to just sit there with them, either. She opened her eyes and started to speak, "I probably shouldn't have had that much to drink, huh?"

"Probably not," Derek agreed.

"Are you mad?"

"Not mad," He responded, "Just disappointed. Get some sleep, though. I'll be right here, okay?"

Meredith had barely nodded before sleep overcame her. Derek sighed and glanced at Addison, "She drank three-fourths of a bottle of tequila. I think it was full before tonight."

Addison's eyes got wide, "That's going to be one hell of a hang over."

"No, really," Derek whispered.

Addison shook her head, "She needs help. She needs a counselor or even a full on psychiatrist. All I know is that even though I've been there, I don't know what to say to her."

"I agree."

"So you'll help me? You'll try to convince her?"

Derek nodded slowly, "As soon as we're over this hangover."

No other words were said. Meredith slept fairly peacefully for several hours. Derek held her the entire time. At one point, Addison went to get Meredith's crutches for when she woke, but no one said a single word. Derek dozed off for a bit, but woke the second Meredith moved in his arms. She pushed at him a bit, and then fell back into a restful state. Addison jumped each time the intern moved – ready to react should something go wrong.

Derek and Addison were the watchful parents. It felt like Meredith was a child scared of monsters in the closet, and the other two were showing her that it was okay. They were putting aside their differences because of a _child, _a broken friend who needed their help.

Around four-thirty, Izzie popped her head in to say that she and George were going to work and would inform Bailey that Meredith wouldn't be in. Derek assumed it wouldn't be a problem, and Addison was dozing at the other end of the bed, so she didn't get a say. He nodded and waved the blonde intern on.

The silence remained as he sat on the bed with the woman he loved in his arms. He glanced at Addison every so often to guarantee she was still resting. He nodded to her when she awoke a little after five-thirty.

Addison finally broke the silence at six in the morning. She spoke softly and hesitantly, "Derek, I still love you -"

"Addison," His voice was quiet, but harsh as he cut in. She couldn't bring this up, not with Meredith in his arms. Still, the uncertainty of her voice got to him, and he waited for her to continue.

"Let me finish," She replied. "I still love you, but you need to be with her. It's obvious that we're through. I need to get the papers drawn up again, but if you sign them this time, I understand. However, I can't guarantee that I will leave. Not right away, at least. Is that okay?"

Derek nodded, "I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing."

Meredith shifted in his arms, but she never woke. Addison offered a sad smile as she got off the bed, "I'm going to go home and shower. I have to work at eight. Are you going in today?"

"It's my day off," The man answered. "I don't know about this one, though," He added as he motioned to Meredith with his head.

Addison sighed, "If it's not too much to ask…can..can we still be friends?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," replied Derek warmly.

Offering a sad smile, Addison kissed his cheek gently and went on her way. Derek watched her leave with a heavy heart. While he had been the good guy and attempted to make his marriage of eleven years work, there was simply no way.

Meredith's eyes fluttered open and her body tensed until she saw Derek's face. She sunk into his embrace and let out a muffled cry. Derek pulled her close and brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, "What's wrong?"

"Headache," She stated curtly.

"You drank an awful lot last night," He replied.

Meredith closed her eyes, "Aspirin, it's in the top drawer of my dresser. Would you mind getting me two?"

Derek shook his head and lowered the young woman onto the bed. He quickly rose and got her two aspirin and a Dixie cup full of water from the bathroom across the hall. Handing it to her after she sat up, he watched as she took the medicine with ease. She sighed softly and crumpled the empty paper cup in her hand, "What time is it?"

"Six-thirty."

"Why didn't you wake me," She stated angrily. "I worked at five! Derek, Bailey's going to _kill _me. I already missed three straight shifts."

Derek gently placed a hand on each shoulder to keep her in bed, "Calm down." He watched her relax into the pillows, "I'll call Dr. Bailey. I'm sure it's fine if you don't go in today. We have a lot to talk about. Addison wanted to stay, but she had to be in at eight today. Now, how about we go downstairs and get some breakfast, okay? I'll even cook."

Meredith gave a half-hearted nod as she reached for her crutches. She pulled herself out of bed and faced Derek. She shook her head, "I'm not a little kid, you know."

"I know."

"Fine," She muttered and hobbled to her dresser. She pulled out a pair of blue sweat pants and a white t-shirt, "I'll be down there in a little bit."

Derek sighed, hoping he could figure out how to make decent scrambled eggs and left the room. Meredith sat down on her bed and managed to get herself changed. She then went to the bathroom, washed her face, and started down the stairs. She could tell it was going to be a _long _day.

_fine_

Ok. Not _overly _eventful…but a new chapter none-the-less. It only took about two days to get it out too…at least from the moment I started writing it. I'm proud of that one! Uhm…yeah, not sure I'm too happy with this one. But we'll see what everyone else thinks.

Please review and let me know what you think! It helps to have other people's opinions:).


	13. Something's Broken

A/N: Well, we've ruled out colon cancer in my dad's case…but what he actually has, no one is certain. Transplants suck, guys! Denny didn't know what he was getting into when he said he wanted one! Oh well, we'll figure it out eventually. I guess Thyroid Cancer is a possibility all of a sudden, I don't get it.

Warning: The end of this wrote itself! I swear. I didn't mean to…

Without further ado…

**Chapter 13: Something's Broken**

The smell of scorched pancakes didn't appeal to Meredith as she sat in the kitchen, watching Derek attempt to cook. She shook her head and sighed, "Just give up already. I'm not hungry, anyway. It's fine."

Derek sighed, "I'm sorry. I'm not so good at this."

"Just clean it up."

He watched Meredith stand up and slowly move toward the living room. He did the dishes quickly, grabbed two apples off of the counter, and followed the blonde. She wasn't happy with him, and he didn't understand. It's not like he'd done anything to her, had he? He saw Meredith sprawled out over the couch and took a seat in the chair adjacent to the other piece of furniture. He took a bite of one apple and glanced at the woman. All that Derek wanted to do was take away the pain she was feeling, but that was easier said than done.

"Heads up," He stated. Meredith turned to him and he tossed the other apple her way. She caught it with ease and took a bite.

"Thanks," She remarked sarcastically. Even though she wasn't hungry, at least he was watching out for her and didn't want to hurt her. Meredith had to keep reminding herself that she was safe with Derek and that he would never hurt her like Finn did. As long as she kept telling herself that, though, she would be just fine.

They ate their apples and Derek took the cores to throw them in the garbage. He then sat down in the same chair and watched Meredith. She wasn't moving much, but her shoulders were slumped and she kept fiddling with the hem of her t-shirt. It was as though the previous night hadn't happened – like she hadn't curled up in his arms and tried to sleep. The woman either wouldn't admit to it or didn't remember much of it.

He sighed quite loudly, getting Meredith's attention. She stared at him raptly, waiting for him to make the next move. While he didn't say anything, he watched just the same, hoping for any sign from the younger woman. She cleared her throat and looked away, attention focused again on the shirt hem. Derek shook his head and tried to think of any way to get her attention and keep it.

It didn't take long for Meredith to get a hold of her crutches and start moving about. First it was just the living room. She moved by the wall where her phone was in pieces. She nudged them around with her crutches, sighed, and started moving again. Derek observed her actions intently. She circled the room one more time and started back up the stairs. He stayed in his chair. He heard water running and figured she was taking a bath or shower. He busied himself with thoughts of what he could be doing to help her more, easily taking up the remainder of her absence.

Emerging from the second floor, Meredith made her way down the stairs in semi-nice clothing and her hair in a wet, messy pony tail. It was only eight-thirty in the morning, after all, why was she ready to go? He stood up and walked over to her. Hesitantly, he decided to strike up a conversation, "And where are we going today?"

"Work," She responded curtly. "I need money, and sitting around here isn't going to get me any."

Derek sighed, "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"For what?"

"For work," He responded. His voice had soft undertones and a hint of confusion. He wasn't sure as to why she was rushing this, "I called Doctor Bailey. She said you could take a day off."

Meredith's face gave away her feelings, and Derek could tell she wasn't too pleased with him. She rolled her eyes before speaking, "I Don't care if she said I could take a day off, _Doctor_ Shepherd. I care that I should be working right now, that I have nothing wrong except a broken bone, and I want to go to Seattle Grace Hospital. I see two choices," She spat. "Either you drive me, or I call and get a cab."

"If you insist on leaving this house," He replied caringly, "I think I'll take you."

"Thank you," She smirked.

Derek shook his head and got his keys out of his pocket, opening the door for the woman who was so insistent upon going to work. She wasn't her normal self. Meredith wasn't the woman he'd seen last night – broken and innocent – but someone who was determined to build up a wall that wouldn't let a single soul in. Even if he understood, he didn't like it.

He followed her to his car and helped her get situated in the passenger's seat. He tucked the crutches away in the back seat and walked around the car to the driver's seat. He started the vehicle and backed out of her driveway.

The route to Seattle Grace from Meredith's home was a familiar one, yet it _did _give him a chance to approach her about therapy. Slowly and cautiously, he prompted the idea, "Have you thought any more about what Addison suggested last night?"

Meredith tilted her head to the side as she looked at him, "Excuse me?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

It seemed odd to her – had Addison come by the night before? If so, she didn't have any recollection of what they had discussed. Derek seemed slightly upset that she didn't remember. While that frightened her, she honestly didn't know.

At a red light, he glanced her direction. The look on her face was of utter bewilderment. He spoke softly, "Do you remember Addison coming over?"

"The…the last thing I remember is crying myself to sleep in your arms," She whispered. "Honest."

"I believe you," said Derek gently. "I believe you."

The rest of the drive was silent. When they reached Seattle Grace, he got out of the driver's seat and walked around the car. Meredith had unbuckled her seatbelt and was starting to slide out of the passenger's seat carefully. He handed her the crutches and watched her hoist herself out of his car. Shutting the door behind Meredith, he walked into the hospital with her, thoroughly perplexed by her lack of memory.

They got to her locker room and he stopped there, "Do you need a ride home tonight?"

"I'll try to catch a ride with Izzie and George," Was her response. "Thank you, though. And thank you for coming over last night. I'm sorry I wasn't a better hostess."

Derek offered a tender smile, "Don't apologize. You needed a friend, and that's exactly what I will always be."

She nodded, "I should go."

"Yeah, you probably should. If you need anything…" His sentence trailed off at the end.

Meredith finished it, "I'll call you. I promise."

Derek nodded and watched her walk through the door. He felt like a parent sending their child to kindergarten – unsure if they'll make it through the day. While leaving was hard, knowing that just the night before she had been so vulnerable was harder. Meredith was no where in sight, though, and Derek had other matters to tend to while he was at his workplace.

---

Meredith changed into her scrubs, finding it difficult to pull the pant leg over her new cast. She sighed softly and struggled with it before giving up and cutting them off right at the knee. She slipped the pants on with ease and stood back up off of the bench. The intern grabbed her stethoscope from the locker, slammed the door shut, and went off in search of the Nazi. She was back at work, and nothing was stopping her.

She made it to the OR floor and whizzed passed the nurse's station. Everyone was looking at her. It wasn't your normal, _she slept with the attending _looks either. These were more of pity. Meredith didn't get it. Did _everyone _know what happened? Watching her feet as she hobbled along, she tried to find Dr. Bailey. All she wanted was a case, something to do. She couldn't handle sitting in her house any longer. She knew Derek wouldn't hurt her, but that didn't change her discomfort at being alone with him.

Meredith bumped into someone much taller than her and jumped backwards. She looked up to see Dr. Webber standing in front of her. Her jaw dropped and images flashed through her head. She closed her eyes, swallowed hard, and cleared her mind quickly. She glanced at her superior, who appeared to be awaiting a response. She shook her head and spoke quickly and quietly, "Sorry."

"Dr. Grey, I was told you were taking the day off."

She shook her head, "I felt much better after a shower, sir."

"You're sure you're ready to be back?"

"Yes, sir."

Webber looked uncomfortable, "You don't have to address me as 'sir,' Meredith."

"Sorry, again," She responded in an ashamed voice. "I'll be more careful of that."

He sighed as he watched her move on. Bailey was just down the hall; hopefully the intern would find her soon. Meredith kept moving, dodging people and dodging the looks until she heard a voice call out to her, "Dr. Grey! What _are _you doing?"

"I just wanted a case," She responded confidently. Meredith smiled at her resident who scowled in return. The intern made her point, "I feel much better and couldn't sit around at home anymore. It hadn't even been forty-eight hours, but you can only take so much time off before you get bored. I'm sure you understand that."

"Stop rambling. If you insist on being here, you're on sutures."

Meredith looked hurt, "I can handle it. If you ignore the cast, I'm fine."

"I'm sure you are fine," The doctor replied. "Physically, that is. But I've been informed that someone is stubborn when it comes to dealing with any of her own problems. Now, if you insist that you're fine, you can go do sutures or, if you would prefer, scud work. There are plenty of paperwork opportunities available for your enjoyment."

A wave of anger crossed the blonde's face, but she pushed it aside. "Fine," She answered. "If you insist, I'll go down to the pit."

"Thank you, Grey. Send Stevens up here, if you would," Bailey instructed before returning her attention to the chart in her hands.

Meredith sulked off to the elevators and made her way to the pit. She needed something to do, not just sit around for hours on end sewing up people's wounds. However, anything was better than sitting at home.

---

It had been a full three hours. She'd dealt with Izzie's barrage of questions and concerns before the ex-model had gone to see what the resident had needed. There hadn't been much to do – it was a very slow day. This gave Meredith too much time to think. It definitely wasn't working out to her advantage to come into work. At least in the comfort of her own home she could have watched television or read a book.

About two hours into the adventure, Addison had come to tell her she had an appointment with the police at 12:30. She had a full two hours to get herself together and prepare. Meredith took the news with ease, knowing that she would tell them what she had to and press charges. There were enough people behind her that she could make it through.

As she was running through the events of the night before, trying desperately to remember Addison's visit to her house, she heard someone enter the room and her body tensed. She turned to see a man standing there. Rising from her stool and picking up the crutches, she tried to make her way to the other side of the room quickly. He smiled at her softly, "I knew we'd meet again."

His voice was seductive – similar to a few nights ago. A million thoughts raced through her mind. Meredith didn't know what to do. She wanted to run, but was positive she wasn't fast enough. The man took a step toward her and the intern tried to remain composed. The memories ran over and over in her head. His eyes darted around the room as he kept moving closer.

"It looks like we're alone," He said as he reached out a hand to brush her cheek.

Meredith tried to move, but couldn't bring her body to do as her mind was begging of it. She looked into his eyes quickly before looking away from him altogether.

"Get out," She stated firmly. The man didn't move.

"Why would I do that?"

"Seriously, Finn," Her voice cracked at his name and her entire body was shaking out of fear, "Just get the hell out."

_fine_

A/N: Oh. My. Gosh. Did I just write that? I think I just wrote that. I didn't just write that…I couldn't have…I didn't mean to. It just kind of happened. I felt the butterflies in my stomach grow as I wrote Addison telling her about the appointment…and then it happened.

It happened. And I don't know if I like it or not, but I can't change it. It seems odd to me that she hadn't spoken to the police yet…and I wrote the thing…so it shouldn't seem odd. After all, everything I said in my exam was recorded and given to the police, and then they came and spoke to me in person about four days later. That's, I guess, what I had happen to Mer.

But…Finn…back? Wow.

I'm in shock.

And I probably shouldn't be.

Okay, thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think? That would be wonderful.


	14. All Hail the Heartbreaker

A/N: OK. This is an interesting chapter…not really…but it works. I wrote it in a short time period and I just hope it fits what people want to have happen. Thank you for the reviews and I beg of you to keep it up and let me know what I need to improve on and wha'ts been done well. That helps me SO much!

I'm still in shock that I brought Finn back. Is that bad! I just don't feel like that was supposed to happen…but it sure did.

So…

Without Further Ado…

**Chapter 14: All Hail the Heartbreaker**

_"It looks like we're alone," He said as he reached out a hand to brush her cheek._

_Meredith tried to move, but couldn't bring her body to do as her mind was begging of it. She looked into his eyes quickly before looking away from him altogether. _

_"Get out," She stated firmly. The man didn't move._

_"Why would I do that?"_

_"Seriously, Finn," Her voice cracked at his name and her entire body was shaking out of fear, "Just get the hell out."_

He wouldn't budge. The man just smiled sweetly, acting as though nothing was wrong. Meredith wanted to scream – to get out, but she couldn't. Panic enveloped her mind and body as Finn stepped closer to her. As far as she knew, no one was around. She pulled back when he placed a hand on her shoulder, but he wouldn't let her move. He kissed her forehead gently, "You left so quickly the other night. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I really didn't mean for it to get that rough."

She whimpered slightly as he kissed her neck. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe. He pushed her against a wall and looked around, "Still unaccompanied, aren't we?"

The intern whimpered and started crying.

"Give it up," he said firmly. "You left. You _told, _didn't you? Didn't I say you would regret that? Didn't I make that clear?"

She pulled back as his voice grew louder. Her head hit the wall when she jerked away. Tears streamed down her cheeks as he kept threatening her. They weren't empty threats either – he obviously meant every word that he was saying. He was promising to kill her, to be certain she could never tell another living soul. Meredith attempted to push him out of the way and sneak around his side. Finn caught her arm and pushed her entire body back with his body, his hand holding her arm to the wall. He used his other hand to slap her left cheek.

It stung horribly and she cried harder.

In between every comment, he'd plant a kiss somewhere else on her body. Within minutes, Meredith became unresponsive. She let him do what he would; knowing that fighting back could cost her life. She prayed silently for someone to walk by. A patient, colleague, or just a random person would be fine with her. She didn't want Finn to keep kissing her and touching her. It was uncomfortable and scary. Tears kept cascading down her soft skin as the man wiped them away.

"Just stop," escaped from her lips.

He laughed. It wasn't an _are you kidding me? _laugh, it was an evil, menacing laugh. She tried to pull away again, but the way his body was pressed against hers pinned the blonde woman to the wall. She saw someone walking towards the closed doors to the pit. The person was shorter and a female. She prayed they saw something. She tried to scream, but Finn covered Meredith's mouth with his own. She pushed at is body, but he was bigger and stronger.

The doors opened and a notebook clattered as it hit the floor. The attacker quickly pulled himself away from Meredith and turned around. Miranda Bailey was standing in front of the door, cell phone to her ear. Meredith slid to the floor as she watched the scene unfold. She had yet to stop crying when the Nazi approached her assaulter. Finn backed toward the wall and was standing next to the intern.

"You," she threatened venomously. "You are a disgrace to humanity. How can you do that to someone! Are you even aware of the damage you just caused? I'm going to wait right here until someone arrests you, I promise that much."

Bailey glanced down at Meredith, she had her broken left leg outstretched, but her other knee was pulled to her chest. Her chin was resting on it, and she was staring into space as though no one was present. The woman sighed softly. "Meredith," Bailey cooed. "Do you want me to call someone?"

Finn snorted as the resident was protective and caring over the young intern. Bailey pulled up her right arm and used her forearm to slam into his chest, pushing the veterinarian into the wall, "Are you eager to try something with me?"

"No ma'am," He responded, gasping for air.

"That's what I thought," Miranda responded curtly. She turned back to her intern and spoke in a gentle, motherly voice, "Would you look at me?"

Meredith's expressionless face turned in the basic direction of Dr. Bailey's voice. Miranda offered a gentle smile, but got no reaction from the young intern. She turned her head back forward and stared into space. The resident stood in front of Finn and watched as two uniformed officers entered the pit. They came over, read the man his rights, and arrested him. One remained with Bailey and Meredith as the other took Finn to the station.

A female officer had remained behind and started getting a statement from Miranda, "Excuse me, Ma'am, but I'm officer Shelden. Would you mind telling me what you experienced?"

The resident seemed uneasy with the situation at hand. She spoke confidently, but quietly, "I was coming to check on Dr. Grey. She had been in two nights before for a rape kit examination."

"Was that reported?"

"Yes," Bailey answered the officer. "She had insisted on working, and I sent her down here. I walked in the door and dropped the notebook and called the police. The man was pushing Meredith against the wall and kissing her. Meredith was crying, but I didn't know what he was saying to her. The second the door shut, he backed away from her and I stood with them until you people showed up."

The officer looked at Meredith and then knelt by her, "Can you tell me what happened, Miss?"

There was no response. The officer sighed softly and tried again, "Dr. Grey, my name is Officer Shelden, but you can call me Julie. Can you talk to me about what just happened?"

Again, the intern stared straight ahead. Meredith was giving no inclination that anyone else was in the room with her. The officer sighed, "Let's try one more time."

---

Derek was leaving the hospital. He'd talked to Addison, asking her to keep an eye on Meredith, and was convinced there was nothing more he could do until she wanted him to come back. He was almost to the door when he saw a police officer escorting someone out of the building. The figure in handcuffs was familiar, but he couldn't place it at first. The neurosurgeon took a second look and it hit him – his veterinarian was being escorted out of the hospital.

It took less than a minute for Derek to realize what that meant. He took off in the direction of the pit, as Bailey had informed him earlier that's where Meredith would be working. It was an odd site, really. Derek Shepherd was running through the halls of the hospital in jeans and a ratty grey t-shirt. The look of determination in his eyes could have scared someone if they got a good look. He pushed the door open when he reached the pit and saw Meredith at the other end of the room, sitting on the floor, and staring at nothing.

"Mer," his voice cracked. Bailey looked at him apologetically, and he nodded slowly. The officer next to Meredith rose and walked over to the man. He sighed, "I'm Dr. Shephered." He hesitated on what to say next, "A friend of Meredith's."

The officer held out her hand in greeting. The doctor accepted and shook it. Julie ran a hand through her brunette hair and smiled sadly at Derek, "It's nice to meet you. I'm Officer Julie Shelden." The woman took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm afraid Dr. Grey was attacked a few minutes ago. She's not really speaking to anyone. Do you think that, maybe, she would respond to you?"

"I...I could try," Derek remarked. He walked slowly over to Meredith and sat down facing her. He was careful not to bump her injured leg, and gasped slightly at the bruise that was starting to form on her cheek. He shook his head, refocused on his task, and soothingly spoke, "Hey, it's me, Derek. Are you okay?"

She didn't respond to him in any way. However, the man knew that she just needed someone to protect her. He tried again, "I'm really sorry I wasn't here. I didn't know he had come by. Can you talk to me about it? You don't have to, but can you at least look at me and tell me if you're okay."

Meredith turned her head to face Derek. He took that as a good sign and kept talking, "Does anything hurt?"

"My head," She whispered.

"Did he hit you?"

"No. I…I hit it agains…against the wall," She gasped.

Derek took a moment to just observe the woman sitting in front of him. She was shaking – whether out of fear or an injury, he wasn't certain – and still expressionless. He reached out a hand to run it over her cheek, "Can I take a look at it?"

Meredith shook her head. Derek sighed and moved closer to the woman; she didn't pull away, but she didn't respond either. The neurosurgeon stayed where he was and continued trying to pull her out of whatever state she was in. He rested a hand on her shoulder, "I need to look at your head. You could have an injury. I promise not to hurt you, okay? I won't hurt you and I won't let anyone else hurt you."

Dr. Bailey was watching from a few steps back. Meredith was responding to Shepherd, and it surprised her. While her intern was still fairly impassive and frank, the intern would at least answer basic questions. Meredith's tremors didn't cease, and Miranda wondered if it was a reaction to the assault the woman had just experienced. Shepherd kept talking to her, asking to see if she injured her head at all, but she refused. He could touch her, but she didn't respond. Miranda didn't know what to do, but her motherly instincts were taking over.

Crouching beside the intern, she tried to coax her along, "Look, we know you don't necessarily want us to, but we have to make sure you aren't hurt."

Shepherd looked relieved that he was finally getting some assistance. He gave a fleeting look to Meredith, who didn't turn to face the resident, but made a sideways glance at the voice. The man nodded to Bailey, urging her to continue.

Picking up on his signals, Miranda spoke gently again, "If you want, I'll stay with you the entire time. I know it's hard, Grey, but we've _got _to make certain you're okay."

"We won't let you get hurt this time," Derek added delicately. "I promise that you won't get hurt."

Meredith looked uncertain. She looked into Derek's eyes for the first time that day. He saw pain, confusion, fear, and, most of all, distrust. However, she scooted closer to him without saying a word, and nodded. He took that to be the okay signal and carefully picked her up. It may not have been the best choice medically, but he wasn't about to leave her alone. She cuddled into his arms as he held her tenderly.

Bailey shook her head, but didn't say a word.

Wishing he could take it all away, Derek started the walk toward radiology. The resident and police officer were close behind. The entire staff stared; it didn't take long for gossip to travel in Seattle Grace Hospital. Yet, with everything that appeared wrong, Meredith was still with him and, for some reason, was willing to trust him beyond every doubt.

Derek Shepherd refused betray that this time.

_fine_

A/N: Alright! There ya go. I'm not so sure that I liked it…then again, do I ever?

Special thanks to **Kat,** from The-Incision,who helped me out a bit in telling me that she liked it. I love the chemistry Derek and Bailey have together on screen…and slowly, but surely, I plan on incorporating some of that here. Hopefully.

Hopefully I'll update soon!


	15. One More Sad Song

A/N: It's been a while, eh? I'm sorry guys! So I'm here, writing Chapter 15. We'll see what happens…I don't even know what's going to happen, I just screwed up my roadmap! Finn came back...I warn you that this is a really bad chapter. I needed a filler, I really did, and I didn't get across what I wanted to get across. Next chapter will be better with more action. Please review this and tell me how to improve it so I can. I scrapped it twice and then gave up.

So…Thank you for sticking with me! And here it goes!

Without further ado…

**Chapter 15: One More Sad Song**

The walk to radiology wasn't overly long, by any means, but Shepherd was moving at a brisk pace. Bailey had no trouble keeping up. Other staff members would give quick glances, but with Meredith's face snuggled into Derek's chest and his arms shielding most of her body from view, no one really noticed that the intern in his arms worked at Seattle Grace.

However, when he noticed Cristina standing outside of a nurse's station, he tried a little harder to hide Meredith from her view. When the intern stared right at him and her jaw dropped, the neurosurgeon knewhe hadn't succeeded.

"What the hell happened?"

"Shut up," Shepherd replied harshly. "Just come with me, okay?"

Falling into step beside Miranda, Cristina kept her mouth shut as they continued their walk. She recognized the route and wondered what had caused them to take her friend to radiology. She was certain she'd know in a matter of minutes. She watched the figure in Derek's arms out of the corner of her eyes. Meredith started to move, and Derek supported her gently.

"What's wrong," Derek questioned.

They were rounding the final corner on the way to radiology, and Meredith didn't say a word. She looked pale, like she was about to be violently ill, pulled her arms away from the neck there had been clinging to, started to turn away, but didn't get too far before she vomited all over Derek's shirt and herself. She started to cry almost immediately.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

It was a constant stream of the same two words coming from Meredith's mouth. The man holding her ran a hand through her hair gently. "Shhh," He whispered. "Don't worry about it. I'll be able to change. Don't be sorry."

They made it to radiology, but the crying had yet to subside. Derek sat her in a chair and stepped away as Cristina stood behind Meredith. She gently laid a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"It's me, Cristina, okay? I'm not going to hurt you," She assured the blonde girl. Bailey had stepped out of the room and returned with a hospital gown and scrubs for Shepherd. Cristina took the gown, "Can we slip this on?"

"No," Meredith replied.

"Please," Cristina begged, "I just need you to put on the gown, Mer."

"Fine," The intern gave in.

While Cristina was surprised at Meredith's willingness to cooperate, she gently removed Meredith's scrub top and the long sleeved shirt she had on underneath and handed them to Miranda. Bailey took them willingly and placed them in a plastic bag to return to Meredith later. Derek had changed into dark blue scrubs and walked over to Meredith who had, with Cristina's help, changed completely.

He knelt before her, "I'm going to do a basic exam. It's not going to hurt and it'll only take a few minutes." He held up one finger in front of her nose, "Follow my finger, all right?"

The blonde nodded and followed the finger as it moved; first left, then right, up, and finally down. Derek nodded, all was fine there. The vomiting worried him some, but he also knew it was common with anxiety as well as after the most minor of head injuries.

"Do you think you can stand?"

She offered a tiny shrug, "Not sure."

Derek extended his hand and helped her to stand up. She appeared to have her balance and took a step towards the dark haired man. He didn't let go of her, but loosened his hold. She hadn't fallen over yet – good sign.

"Are you dizzy?"

"No."

"Any light headedness, Grey? Blurry vision, ringing in the ears? Anything like that," Bailey was asking questions now. Meredith didn't turn to look at her, but shook her head just the same. "Repeat this sentence," Bailey told her. The resident spoke slowly and clearly, "Mrs. Smith's Fish Sauce Shop."

Meredith knew the drill, see if the patient was slurring their words. She sighed and spoke as slow as the resident had. The sentence was repeated flawlessly. Derek nodded and helped her to sit back down, "That's a good thing. I want to perform a CT, but I think all we're dealing with here is a minor concussion. We'll get you home and have you rest for a few days and then see where we are. Okay?"

The blonde nodded. Derek smiled softly, "Let's get the CT taken care of so we can get you home, okay?"

"Cristina," Meredith stated.

"What do you need?"

Meredith visibly released some tension at the voice of her friend, "Will you go with me?"

"I can't stay in there once it's started, you know that."

"Just until I get settled," The blonde begged, "until it starts. Please?"

Bailey sent a curt nod in Cristina's direction. The intern was quite receptive and responded to Meredith in a fairly caring voice, "Of course. I'll go in there with you. Let's get it over with."

Cristina moved over to the chair Meredith was sitting in and assisted her in standing up. She walked with her through the door and helped her to lie down on the flat bed-like table.

"We'll be right on the other side of the glass," She stated matter-of-factly.

"I know."

"If you need anything, just say so. We'll be able to hear you."

Meredith was staring at the ceiling and didn't say anything in response. Cristina rested a hand on the blonde's shoulder before turning and walking out of the room. They moved as quickly as they could to get her back with them. Derek finished up and looked at the intern that was staring over his shoulder, "Go get her out of there. I'm not admitting her, but someone has got to stay with her 24/7 for a few days. I'm positive it's just a concussion, but I want to be sure she's being watched and it's not something more. I can't find anything on these scans, though."

Bailey sighed, "Why can't she catch a break?"

Cristina was on her way out of the room when she turned back, "Because she's Meredith Grey – the walking train wreck."

"Yang," Derek stated her name portentously. "You have a patient to go take care of. I expect you to do your job."

The two physicians watched Cristina leave and attend to Meredith. She helped her sit up and the two interns talked for a moment. Meredith wasn't responding to her friend, but she appeared to be listening at the very least. Within a few moments, the two approached the door and proceeded through it. While the battered of the two wasn't speaking, she still looked as though she weren't really alive – like whatever had happened wasn't real. Derek, knowing that he needed to take care of this woman, approached slowly as Cristina helped her to sit on a chair.

Derek was cautious with his words, "So, that wasn't all that bad." He watched Meredith shrug. He continued on, "Well, it's just a minor concussion. I don't want you alone for the next seventy-two hours or so, just in case anything would happen. I'm not saying it will, but complications can always arise."

Meredith nodded. Officer Shelden, who had been ignored while she held a post in the back corner of the room, cleared her throat slightly. The blonde looked at the red headed official and then turned back to Derek after throwing a harsh glare her direction. The dark haired physician hadn't continued on, just watched Meredith's interaction with the outside world.

"Well," The blonde began. "If that's everything, I would like to go back home, now."

Derek shook his head, "Is anyone there?"

"No, but Izzie and George get off at seven tonight, and I'm sure I can handle everything until then."

Cristina sighed, "Mer, you heard him. You have got to have someone with you for seventy-two hours – no matter what."

The intern rolled her eyes in a rather inpatient manner.

"I drove you here and I have the day off," Derek reminded her. "I'll stay with you until Izzie and George get back home. Is that alright?"

"Fine," She replied in an agitated manner.

Again, from the corner, the police officer cleared her throat. The neurosurgeon faced her abruptly. "Excuse me, Officer," He spat. "Can I help you with something?"

"I was wondering if I could get an account of what happened from Meredith Grey," The officer replied warmly. Her voice was smooth like honey – caring and compassionate. Shelden glanced at the patient and spoke to her directly, "Would that be okay with you?"

"Can..Can we go somewhere more private?"

Derek nodded, "I think that can be worked out. Bailey, would you go claim the consultation room across the hall? Take Officer Shelden with you." He turned to Yang, "Would you get Dr. Grey some scrubs, please? Clean ones."

People jumped into action at Shepherd's collected, yet demanding tone. He looked at Meredith with sensitivity and moved closer to her. She looked so scared. If you didn't know her, the blonde would seem almost lifeless, but to Derek, she just looked terrified. With care, he placed a hand gently on her shoulder. She didn't respond, but she didn't exactly pull away. Derek pursed his lips as he thought about what words might ease whatever fears Meredith had. Instead, he opted for silence until Cristina came back in.

He pulled away and rose from his kneeling position, "I'm going to go tell the Chief that you'll need at least three days off, possibly more. Is that okay?" Meredith nodded. Derek spoke once more, "Get changed and then go talk to Officer Shelden. She's really quite nice, and you can trust her. Cristina will even stay with you."

Cristina's eyebrows rose as she glanced at McDreamy. He offered a barbed stare at the young intern and walked out of the room. Yang helped Meredith to change clothes. She moved slowly and carefully, making small talk as they went along. The working intern tried not to seem overly shocked by the new bruises forming over Meredith's arms, but simply couldn't hide some of her disgust.

"Are you ready," Yang looked at the patient.

"No."

"You have to do this, and if you take care of all of it now, then the worst is over."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "How is the worst over? How can it be over when it won't leave you? Every time I close my eyes I see him. Did you know that," She grilled Cristina. It didn't take long for her to be nearly shouting at her friend, "It doesn't go away, it _won't. _No matter how many times I take a bath to wash it away or how often I pretend not to care, I just fall asleep and there he is. It haunts me. Do you want to know the worst part? DO YOU?"

Cristina jumped back at Meredith's voice. She hadn't realized how difficult it must be to live with yourself after something like that had happened. She watched as Meredith regained her composure and opened her mouth one more time, "The worst part, Cristina, is that you can't change it. You caused it, and you can't take it back or make it go away. That's the worst part."

Despite how controlled the blonde had sounded with her last statement, Yang knew better than to think that Meredith was alright again. She sighed softly as she walked over by Meredith and picked up the crutches and watched as the blonde hoisted herself out of the chair.

Meredith looked annoyed, but moved past Cristina anyway. She pushed open the door slowly and, without turning around, commented on the situation, "As stupid as it is, because it's still my fault, let's get this over with."

Cristina followed close behind as Meredith stepped into the small consultation room and looked Officer Shelden in the eyes, "Well, let's get started. Shall we?"

The officer nodded, "Please, doctor, take a seat."

Julie outstretched her hand, motioning to a green chair directly across from her. Bailey was behind the uniformed authority and Cristina stood beside the door, leaning on the cream wall. Meredith sat down and laid the crutches on the ground.

"Now," Shelden began. "Can you tell me the events of your day?"

_fine_

A/N: There you go…took me long enough to produce a piece of crap, didn't I? Feel free to be harsh and pick it apart, destroy it, and make me feel bad…In a nice way…because I know it was awful! Next chapter will improve: I know how I'm going to make Meredith react to telling the story. I will work hard on it, too!

The title of this chapter: "One More Sad Song" is a song by The All-American Rejects, and if you haven't heard it, listen to it! It doesn't DIRECTLY describe the chapter, but it works pretty well...and, if applied to this story, could possibly describe it.

Thanks for reading and I'll produce a new chapter soon. I promise.


	16. You're Not Alone Tonight

A/N: Okay...here we go. I'm hoping and praying this ends up better than chapter 16. I hated the last chapter, and I'm not the only person who did…but here we go, new chapter! Woo Hoo!

Without further ado…

**Chapter 16: You're not Alone Tonight**

"Do you _honestly _want to hear the whole day," Meredith questioned.

The officer shrugged, "How about we start where you came to the hospital, okay?"

Shelden's voice was warm and smooth, almost understanding. Meredith inwardly shuddered at it. This officer was simply too perfect. Everything from her long red hair pulled into a basic braid that ended at her mid back to her flawlessly shaped body and pleasant personality was just too perfect. Meredith didn't like perfect people. However, she put that fact aside and gave a thoughtful minute to the words she was about to utter.

Opening her mouth slowly, the woman spoke clearly and carefully, "I came into the hospital with Derek Shepherd. He had spent the night with me last night and insisted on driving me here. I accepted."

"Why did you accept a ride with him?"

"I thought," Meredith started agitatedly, "that this was supposed to be about what happened between Finn Dandridge and me, not Derek Shepherd. Who, by the way, has been more supportive and loving about this than anyone else I've been around, save his wife, and doesn't deserve to even be brought into this discussion."

Cristina outwardly flinched as Meredith left her out of the list of people who have been supportive. It really, truly hurt to not be considered one of those people. Yet, the woman was in a rave at the moment against this officer, and Cristina decided not to hold it against her.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Grey," the officer attempted to redeem herself, "I just needed to be able to understand your state of mind at the time. Continue on, please."

Calming herself down and collecting her thoughts, Meredith continued with the story, "I arrived at Seattle Grace around 8:30 this morning and Dr. Bailey had assigned me to sutures in the pit. Rather reluctantly, I accepted and went to the emergency room. Around 10:30, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd told me that I had an appointment with the police at 12:30 to go over my story about what happened, what happened Friday night."

"And," Julie entered Meredith's trance-like, storytelling state cautiously. "What happened on Friday night."

"Finn," Meredith stuttered slightly, "Finn Dandridge, he, well, uhm."

Cristina jumped to her friend's side and knelt next to her. She placed a hand on the blonde's knee in a supportive manner. She looked at the woman's face, etched with doubt and fear, and took a deep breath, trying to find the strength to help the other intern, "Hey, you need to say this. If you say it, right now, then it's out there and someone can do something about it. You have us, Meredith. And Finn, he's in jail right now. You're safe and no one can hurt you again. Just, please tell Officer Shelden what happened on Friday night, okay?"

Meredith bit her bottom lip, trying desperately to be able to keep talking, but she couldn't find her voice. It wasn't as though she didn't want to pin this on the man who had ruined the life she had become accustomed to; in fact, the woman wanted nothing more than to make sure he was behind bars for good. Yet, for some reason, she was too scared to speak, to move, or to even breathe. Bailey was on the edge of her chair, waiting to move if she was needed. Cristina moved directly in front of the blonde and was trying, in her own way, to calm her friend.

"I can't," The intern whispered.

"You can," Cristina responded. However, she didn't sound very Cristina-like. Her voice was soft and caring, laced with concern for her friend. She looked at Meredith's face, even if the girl wasn't looking back, and continued, "You can and will do this. You don't have a choice. I won't leave you, Dr. Bailey won't leave you, and as soon as you're done with this, the hardest part will be over. I know that it's hard and scary, but you told Addison on Friday night, just one more time."

Bailey was shocked at Cristina's nature. When someone needed her, that girl would bend and mold to be what they wanted. She'd watched the intern when she was at her boyfriend's side in the past few weeks – Burke needed a caring girlfriend, and Yang had made it happen. The woman had completely changed. Her bedside manner improved, but she still remained emotionally detached. Her ability to connect with Meredith, though, was what had the resident perplexed. Her intern had never been one to comfort and soothe, but when it came to the broken woman sitting across from her, Yang changed immediately.

Meredith looked at Bailey; the woman gave a brief, confident nod, urging the blonde to continue her story. She looked at the officer, who was very interested in her pen and notepad, and back at Bailey. The resident gave another reassuring nod. The intern looked away again. Cristina remained directly in front of her and tried something new. She hoped against all hope that her friend would respond to her next idea.

"Let's try something new, you tell me exactly what the vet did to you on Friday night, okay? Just me and no one else. Can you do that?"

The blonde looked at Cristina carefully and thoughtfully. A million thoughts were running through her mind. She didn't know who to trust or what to think, but suddenly she heard herself repeating a line in her head, _Shut up, I'm your person. _She was Cristina's person, which meant that Cristina was her person, right? And if Cristina thought it was safe to talk about it, then she must be right.

Taking a deep breath, Meredith looked Cristina in the eyes and spoke. Her voice wasn't above a whisper, but in the tiny, cramped consultation room, that was enough. The officer held her pen to the pad and the victim started to reveal her earth shattering truth, "On Friday night, Finn Dandridge, he, well, he raped me."

She stopped. That was all she had left in her as she dropped her head into her hands. Bailey walked the two steps to her intern and rubbed the girls back, whispering soothing words as the blonde sat there, motionless. Cristina didn't move from her perch and Officer Sheldon cleared her throat demandingly. The woman wanted to continue on with her interview and get to lunch. It was already 1:30, and she was starved.

In a rather upsetting manner, Bailey offered a glare in the officer's direction and took her seat again. Cristina moved to the side a bit, but stayed in Meredith's line of sight, wanting to be some comfort to her friend. Shelden let out an exasperated sigh and continued with her questions. "I'm sorry Dr. Grey," She stated sweetly. "This must be incredibly hard for you, but I have to keep moving along. What happened after Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd informed you of your meeting time?"

"I went back to work. It was a slow day and there wasn't much to do. I spent the next thirty minutes or so without a patient, just thinking. The next thing I heard," Meredith stopped abruptly as she relived the memory. Obviously taking a moment to regain her composure, she pressed on as soon as she felt comfortable, "The next thing I heard was someone entering through the doors. I turned and saw Finn standing there, smiling in what could only be described as _his _way."

Shelden popped in, "And what time was that at?"

"I guess around eleven in the morning," Meredith responded rudely.

"Continue," The smooth voice rang out.

The intern sat up a little straighter in her chair and started telling the story once more, "He walked towards me and said something…I don't remember exactly what. He said something about knowing that we'd meet again and that I shouldn't have told anyone." She took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts, before she kept going, "The room was completely empty and he pushed me against the wall and started kissing me. He was talking, but I guess I just blanked it out. I know I heard his voice though."

The tremble in Meredith's voice was enough to make anyone want to hold her close and protect her for the rest of her life. Shelden scratched away notes at her notepad, and once she finished, looked up at the blonde. She waited patiently to see if the woman was going to share any more without being prompted. The awkward silence in the room was enough proof that Meredith had finished with what she was willingly going to share. The officer spoke gently again, "Can you tell me what happened next, dear?"

"Don't call me _dear," _Meredith stated kindly. Cristina snickered softly when Miranda sent her a forewarning glare. The blonde looked at Bailey, who, again, offered an encouraging nod and smile. Feeling confident, she continued, "The next thing I remember was Dr. Bailey coming into the room and Finn stepping to the side. I sunk to the floor and sat there until _you _arrived." She referred to the officer in a venomous manner, not liking the woman's perfect appearance and bratty attitude. Sighing softly, she pushed forth, "Dr. Bailey was nice enough to stay until authorities came and she remained with me. You were there for the rest."

"So," The officer smiled sweetly, "You're telling me that Finn Dandridge attacked you Friday night and returned here with the same intentions today?"

"Yes."

Bailey looked at Meredith closely as the officer scratched away at the paper. The blonde had dark bags under her eyes and appeared to have aged twenty years in the last week. Knowing that her charge couldn't handle much more, she slowly stood up and took the two step stride to the intern, and rested a reassuring hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"I think," She stated confidently. "That will be all. If you need anything else, you have Dr. Grey's phone number and can contact her later. Thank you officer, but I must have my patient's best interests at heart, and she needs to rest."

Shelden looked put out, but rose and shook the resident's hand nonetheless. She extended it then for Meredith, who stared at it momentarily, looked at the officer's face, and muttered a simple thank you, before turning her attention to the floor in front of her. Julie didn't even attempt to speak with Yang, realizing quickly that the physician would be on the side of the victim. The woman offered a slight nod to the three women before walking out of the consultation room.

Silently, Bailey and Cristina waited for Meredith to make the next move. She hadn't looked up from the floor, and made no signs that she intended to do so any time soon. So they remained that way, Yang on the floor by the blonde's feet and Miranda with a hand resting gently on the woman's left shoulder.

In a few moments, the blonde made the move, "Is Derek around?"

"I can find him," Cristina offered.

"Just page him, would you?"

Cristina jumped up and stepped out of the room at Meredith's request, leaving the other intern alone with their resident. Bailey didn't move her hand, but spoke softly, "I want you to know something, Grey. This might be hard for you now, but you're going to get through this. You have an entire hospital here ready to help you when you're ready, but most of all, you have myself and the other interns you work with. If you need anything, I expect you to speak up. As for now, take some time off. You definitely need it."

The blonde looked up at her boss and nodded slowly, feeling like, for the first time since Friday, she might be ready to make an attempt to heal.

_fine_

A/N: Thank you for reading and for sticking with me, those of you who did. I know I prolly lost some people when I took so much time off, and I really hate that. But its okay. If you do read, let me know by doing this little thing called "reviewing." It's a nifty concept, and I promise you, it leads to _wonderful _karma, as Kat taught me. So, if you could let me know what you think….it doesn't have to be like…four paragraphs long or anything…just a sentence or two..

Now that I've reduced myself to begging…and wrote another…so/so chapter…I'm going to go dwell upon what I can do to change this and make it work. If you'll excuse me….

Oh…one final thing: Coming to Terms is a Burke Fic I posted…reviews on that would be welcomed :-) thanks!


	17. She's Every Woman

A/N: Okay…took forever…but here we go. New chapter. I like this chapter.

NOTE: I skipped about a month ahead…victims go through the acute stage of healing and then settle into a new normalcy for a while. After that, things can get bumpy again. I don't know if I like this chapter…but that's nothing new. I hope this isn't confusing and awful…but yeah…I needed setbacks, okay?

Without further ado…

**Chapter 17: She's Every Woman**

One week after telling the Officer Shelden the story of what had happened in the pit, Meredith had met with an inspector to run through her side of it again. The blonde had taken Addison Shepherd with her, and everything had worked out for the best. Meredith was informed that she wouldn't have to do much until her trial date and everything would be figured out from there. Derek's ex-wife had proven to be a rock for Mer when no one else was around. Addison would sit with her at night if she couldn't sleep and would take the phone calls at three in the morning. Anyone else would have done the same thing, but there was a sense of comfort knowing that the person you were calling had been there and done that.

Nearly a month after the original incident, Meredith had settled into a new version of normal. She was willing to lean on her friends and admit she wasn't fine. It was still difficult for her to be alone in a room with a male patient, but it was getting easier. She and Derek had established a strong friendship, and, for the time being, both were fine with it. Meredith wasn't ready for more, and McDreamy wanted to do things right. While she was still jumpy, the blonde intern was slowly finding herself more and more comfortable with her environment and being alone. Derek had divorced Addison, but the two still had a financial issue to settle before it was final. Still, the woman had already started seeing Mark Sloan, who was currently residing in Seattle in a small apartment with his Addison.

However, nothing changed the fact that Izzie could hear Meredith screaming in the middle of the night and would go wake her friend and sit with her for hours on end until the other had drifted to sleep. George would help sometimes, but Meredith was still working on accepting his touch and trusting him again. Everyone was on egg shells except Alex, who was overly protective in an unnoticeable fashion. He'd once found Meredith sobbing in an exam room all alone and he'd just sat with her for a couple of hours until she was able to go back to work. The unspoken rule was that if anyone touched her when she didn't want to be, he'd beat them to a bloody pulp.

Cristina was even becoming accustomed to Meredith's often changing reactions. Some days, the blonde was fine with the world and others she would freak at nearly everything. Yet, Yang found herself being comforting when Mer needed it. After all, Meredith was her person, and she was Meredith's.

On Monday morning, around six, Dr. Grey looked over the chart of man who had been having seizures with an unknown origin. It was clearly a neurology case that Dr. Shepherd had requested her on. It seemed that everyone gave into that request lately, not wanting to cause any problems. She walked confidently into the man's hospital room, but her eyes told a completely different story.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Shaw?"

He smiled at the blonde, "I feel fine. I've just been having seizures."

"Yes, that's what they told me," She smiled back, trying desperately to keep her composure. She didn't look in his eyes, didn't touch him, and didn't even get too close to his bed. While she was making strides in the right direction, she had yet to be completely comfortable in any given situation. Glancing over her chart again, she looked back at the man, "I'm going to go talk to Dr. Shepherd, he'll be your neurologist, and see what he thinks is the best plan of action. Sound good?"

"Fine," He replied. "But, Miss, would you mind me asking a question?"

"Go ahead."

"You seem to be a bit jumpy – almost uneasy. Is it something I said?"

She allowed her eyes to rest upon his for a moment before taking a sharp intake of air and looking away, "I'm fine, thank you. You didn't do a single thing, Mr. Shaw. I'll be back soon. If you need anything, just call a nurse."

Meredith briskly left the room, taking a moment to lean against the nearest wall and catch her breath before she had a panic attack. His eyes had been so similar to those of her attacker. She couldn't believe what she'd seen. The man was nice and around sixty five years old. She highly doubted he would have anything to do with Finn, or any desire to hurt her. Yet, his eyes had looked so comparable that she had thought, for just a moment, that he was her rapist.

Noticing the quizzical stares from her colleagues, the blonde pulled herself together and placed the chart back at the nurse's station. Running a hand through her half pony-tail, she started to walk in the direction of the elevators. Pressing the down button, she got ready to take a minute to sit and gather her thoughts in the locker room. Some days, she found that the pressures of her job could just be too much when dealing with life.

The doors to the elevator opened to reveal an empty cube. Debating taking the stairs to avoid being boxed in with anyone and having to deal with her fear, she decided to just take the elevator. She was too tired to consider anything else. At the next floor, the doors parted once again to show Dr. Alex Karev. He stepped cautiously into the elevator, standing just a few steps away from Meredith. She looked at him as the doors closed and he looked back. They'd been in motion for less than thirty seconds before he pulled the stop button and the blonde took no time in moving toward the side of the elevator and slamming a fist against the wall.

Alex didn't make a sudden movement, but he walked over next to her in time to catch her as she started to slip down the side of the box. He held her up and rubbed her back until she got her sudden sobs under control. Once that was covered, he set the box back to motion, got off on the same floor, and walked her to the locker room. They walked in silence, but her puffy red eyes were enough to let on that something was wrong. He sat her on a bench and got a glass of water. Handing it to her gently, she accepted and took a sip. Looking at Alex, she sighed and shook her head.

"I'm sorry," She whispered.

"Sorry for what?"

Meredith shrugged slowly, "Everything? For getting upset because someone's eyes resembled _his. _A man's eyes, Alex. That's all they were! Someone's eyes resembled that bastard's eyes, and I got scared and fled the room. How pathetic can I get? It's been a month and I can't handle it yet."

He walked over next to her, not wanting to impose and rather unsure about what he was to say. He didn't move, just leaned against the lockers – there if she needed someone.

Within minutes, Meredith had reapplied mascara and was off to work. Alex stayed close by the blonde until she reached her destination of McDreamy. She'd taken the stairs four flights to meet him instead of setting foot in the elevator, and when she finally saw him, she almost broke out in a run. Karev, convinced that she was safe again, went on his way to help Dr. Montgomery.

Derek looked at Meredith as she absent-mindedly explained the case, skipping over details that he'd made certain to check in the chart before the intern suggested what to do. When it came time for her to answer questions, she stared at him blankly, making little to no attempt to comprehend and answer him. Knowing that something was very wrong, Shepherd led her to the nearest available consult room and sat her down.

She looked at him and a single tear trickled down her cheek. Derek shut the blinds and wiped away the drop before pulling her into a hug. That was, quite often, all she needed anymore. If someone would simply assure her that she wasn't alone, then, in a short period of time, she would be back to work, doing quite well. But when heart breaking sobs wracked her body, the neurosurgeon was positive this was going to take more than a hug.

He looked at her softly and kissed her forehead gently. "Hey," He started, voice steady and compassionate. "What happened?"

"I can't take this case," She hiccupped.

"What do you mean?"

She looked at the floor, studying the carpet carefully, and choosing her words wisely, "I'm not comfortable on this case, Dr. Shepherd, and I would appreciate it if I could switch with someone."

Unsure of what she meant, Derek didn't let up. He kept two hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. Slowly, he spoke again, "I need to know why you're not comfortable. You know the drill, talk to me."

"His eyes," She whispered. She was being so quiet that he almost couldn't hear her. She kept going, "They look like his."

She hissed the last statement as though mentioning the man who had broken her so severely was a sin. He pulled her close and held her for a few more minutes. Meredith was always so comfortable with him and no one knew exactly why. He assumed it was because of their past, and because he had been the one she first talked to the night of. It hadn't mattered that he'd scared her the first night, because the scars never left, but he had stuck by her, holding her up when she needed it.

It was true that the hospital staff became a family – the departments in and of themselves, at least. Meredith had found the people she needed, and, in some weird way, they all understood their places. Derek and Addison were two of the most prominent members sometimes, but they both knew when to step back. Now, however, was the time when she needed someone. Rubbing her back as she continued to cry, he whispered simple, soothing words into her ear.

"Slow down, breathe, it's going to be fine. I'll make sure you're off the case, I promise that this is okay," He uttered. Repeating himself, Shepherd knew, was the easiest way to get through to her. The blonde had to hear it many times before she started to allow the words to sink in. Soon enough, she was calming herself down and resting a chin on Derek's shoulder.

Meredith noticed her eyelids drifting shut, but she didn't fight it. The woman had gotten less than three hours of sleep the night before, and only two the night before that. At hat moment, she wanted nothing more than to pass out and get, at the very least, a few good hours of rest.

---

Jolting awake in an on-call room, drenched in a cold sweat wasn't the best way to wake up. Meredith was sitting bolt right on the bottom bunk and looked around her, slowly regaining awareness of her surroundings. Slowly it came back to her, drifting to sleep sitting on a couch, being held by Derek Shepherd. She shook her head as she realized she'd fallen asleep during her shift.

Jumping up, she ran out of the room, to the locker room, and changed scrubs. She shoved the damp ones into her locker to take care of later, brushed through her hair and quickly decided on a sloppy pony tail, and arranged herself in a way that made her look at least halfway presentable. Figuring she looked as good as possible, she left the room and went off in search of the Nazi. After all, if Derek kept his promise, she was off of the case and Bailey would have to give her a new assignment.

She just prayed she wasn't in the pit, as she wasn't ready for that experience yet.

Walking down the halls of Seattle Grace, she bumped into someone unexpectedly. Jumping a bit, she stepped back and looked up to see Dr. Webber standing in front of her, a rather grim expression sprawled across his face. She muttered an apology and began to walk around, but her superior requested she stop for a second.

Turning around, Meredith looked at him cautiously, not sure if she could handle much in the way of bad news. "Sir," She questioned.

"I don't want to tell you this, Meredith. I really don't, but you have to know."

"What is it?"

Speaking cautiously, the chief of surgery continued, "I'm afraid your mother is back in the hospital. I don't think it looks good. In fact, I wouldn't bet on more than a few days. I'm very sorry."

He opened his arms, offering out a fatherly hug. Meredith, however, refused it and turned to storm away. She made her way to the intensive care unit, taking the steps to floor four, and saw Derek by the nurses' station.

Walking up to him, he turned to look at her and opened his mouth to speak. Before he had a chance, she started hitting at his chest. Her small, ineffectual fists attempted to slam into the muscles on his body. While she tried, something in her wasn't strong enough to actually hurt him as she started to cry. Something told him that this would be one of the biggest setbacks that any of them would have to face. A daughter didn't do well without her mother there to guide her. In fact, in the last month, Ellis had been doing well, and the illness was a very sudden change.

Derek led her to the first available chair in the waiting room and sat with her as she lost control of everything. It wasn't the first time that this had happened, and he was certain that it wouldn't be the last.

_fine_

A/N: Thank you very much for reading! Hopefully I'll update sooner this time…I hope you liked it, if you didn't, well, roast it over an open flame and let me know! Hopefully, if you read, you're nice enough to review. It leads to GREAT karma, I promise! And check out That's Love, One Boy, One Girl and Coming to Terms – all oneshots that I wrote recently. Yes, I'm plugging them. Yes, I want you to read them and review them. Thank you!


	18. I Need You

A/N: I am, quite honestly, sorry that it has taken me several months to upload. Life got hectic. School Started...and now I'm trying to be active with this fanfiction again. I can hopefully promise weekly updates. My goal is every monday night you'll get a new chapter. Please, if you stuck around or are returning to this fanfiction, REVIEW!!! I love htem and they fuel me to keep on writing.

I want to start off by saying that while killing Ellis Grey proves to be a good plot device, my great-aunt has Alzheimer's and is so sick that she's forgotten how to swallow, talk, and will soon forget how to breathe. I do not take this lightly…it's not just a way to make Meredith's life difficult…this is a way to give her closure and have her deal with something and gain some control over her life. That is the reason that Ellis Grey is in the hospital and, most likely, going to die.

Thank you everyone for reading…keep reviewing, please! It helps me know what I need to improve on and what you like.

Without further ado…

**Chapter 18: I Need You**

The two sat together for a long time, her head on his shoulder, and his arms around her body. She shook violently at times, and others she fell completely still. There were moments when the only evidence that she was still alive was the rise and fall of her chest against his. The blonde intern was practically in the attending's lap, but the received no hidden looks or whispers behind their backs. The entire hospital understood it now, and that wasn't going to change any time soon.

After Meredith had calmed herself down, it didn't take long before she wanted to see her mother. Derek thought back to the moment when Meredith had started crying in a supply closet, stating, quite plainly, that she didn't want her mom to die alone. Knowing that was her fear, he let her go. Watching her walk away toward the ICU alone, he realized that it was just something she had to do alone. In due time though, he knew she would still need him for something.

Arriving outside of the hospital room that currently had her mother residing inside of it, Grey took a deep breath before stepping inside. All she knew was that her mother was ill and probably wouldn't make it more than a few days. She didn't need to know anything more than that. She entered the room and Ellis looked at her, smiling softly. Meredith didn't know what to think at first, but soon opened her mouth to speak, "Mom, how are you feeling?"

"Meredith, come sit down, next to me," The mother stated softly, patting a spot next to her on the bed, scooting over to make room for her daughter. Meredith, still not positive that her mother was lucid, sat next to the woman. Ellis smiled at the blonde and ran a gentle hand through her hair. Her voice rang out in a soft, caring way. Meredith listened intently as her mother spoke to her, "I never told you how proud I am of you, did I? First in your class, sweetheart, that's such an amazing thing. I know I'm not around much, but you know I love you, right?"

The intern couldn't believe what she was hearing. Obviously, her mother was reliving her residency, but for some reason, Meredith felt comforted by what she was hearing. Smiling softly, she nodded in response, "I know that, Mom."

"You know I don't want to see you hurt," Ellis continued on. "I just want you to be happy. I know it's been hard for you, and you've had to grow up a lot on your own, but you've done a fairly good job of it. I should have put you first," Regret laced the elderly woman's voice. "But I didn't. And look at you, first in your class. I'm so proud of you."

Meredith smiled again, finally understanding that her mother did love her, even if she had a funny way of showing it. It didn't matter that the woman had yelled at her and told her she was worthless, because deep down, her mother had always loved her. Nothing else mattered once she understood that.

It didn't take long before Ellis' voice was heard again, "Now, I know this is going to be hard for you to hear, but I need to tell you something."

"What is it," the daughter prompted.

"I love you, but I can't be with you forever. You know that, right?" Meredith nodded as her only answer, realizing what was coming. Her mother continued on with her speech, "I'm sick, sweetheart. I'm dying, and I don't know if I'll be with you much longer. I know you're old enough to take care of yourself, but you'll have to stay with someone until you can afford a place on your own. I haven't held your hand for a long time now, but I won't ever be able to again. So, before the chance is gone, I need to know something, alright?"

"What do you want to know," She whispered, unsure if she could handle seeing her mother so strong when the woman wasn't even completely aware of the gravity of her condition.

Ellis took in a deep breath, her voice shaking as she talked to her only daughter, "I need to know if you have any questions. If there's anything you don't know how to do. If I can hold your hand one more time, sweetheart, then I want to. This," She stopped quickly, taking another deep breath, "Could be the last time I get the chance to help you."

Meredith watched the monitors surrounding her mother closely. It was obvious to her that the time was short, Ellis' vitals were already dropping. Despite the fact that she'd been told her mother would be with her a few more days, Meredith had a sinking feeling that it was going to be over sooner than that. Realizing she only had a few moments, she told her mother the secret that she never thought the woman would hear.

"I have to tell you one thing," She said carefully. Ellis paid close attention, looking into her daughter's eyes. Meredith took a moment to compose her thoughts before continuing on in something slightly above a whisper, "I was raped by my boyfriend. I went to the hospital to get tested for STDs and Pregnancy. I'm okay. But you needed to know that, because I don't know if I could have gone without telling you. I'm sorry I didn't come to you sooner, but I was scared you would get mad at me and not believe me."

Tears welled up in Ellis' eyes as she opened her arms for her daughter to fall into them. Meredith curled up, head on her mother's chest, as she cried heart breaking sobs. She felt a hand rubbing her back in a gingerly manner. She fell into the embrace, her mother whispering words of comfort all along. For some reason, this was better than anyone else's touch and voice. To know that her mother still loved her and always had was a source of comfort that Meredith Grey had believed she would never experience.

As her sobs calmed, Ellis stopped muttering the soothing words. Meredith once again found the strength to speak, "I don't know what to do. I can't get away from it and he haunts my dreams. I'm scared, Mommy."

The blonde was slightly taken back at calling the woman she had been raised by _mommy. _That was a term she hadn't used since she was a little girl, but Ellis responded warmly to the expression, not missing a beat, "I know you are, but you'll get through this. You're a strong girl, Meredith. You always have been. You'll get through this. You have Richard, if you need him, and he's always loved you like a daughter. I'm so sorry, though. I wish I would have been around enough to notice these things."

A single tear trickled down the woman's cheek as she held her daughter. Meredith refused to move. No one entered the room in the final moments of Ellis' life. The women remained together, making small talk for nearly three hours. Meredith could hear her mother's labored breathing and tried her hardest not to notice it. She wasn't going to get scared and run this time; she was going to wait it out with her mother and be certain that the woman didn't die alone.

Before breathing her last breath, Ellis ran a gentle hand through her daughter's hair and kissed her forehead gently, "I love you, Meredith."

"I love you too, Mom. I really, really do. You were a good mom," Meredith realized out loud.

After smiling at her daughter's words, Ellis Grey closed her eyes and the young intern heard the sound of her mother's heart go into tachycardia and then flat-line. She made no effort to silence the machines. Simply, the woman allowed silent tears to flow down her cheeks as she stayed with her mother. It hadn't mattered that her mother had been living the days of her residency when the truth was spoken. It hadn't mattered that the woman had made numerous mistakes in her life. It hadn't even mattered that Meredith had wondered before if her mother was proud of her and loved her.

All that mattered in the world was that her mom thought she was strong and could survive. It mattered that Ellis Grey had told her daughter that she loved her and honestly meant it. It had mattered that her mother apologized. What mattered most of all, was that her mother hadn't died alone and knew that she was loved. The disease may have taken away her mother's sense of being, but it hadn't destroyed the undying love a mother and daughter shared – whether that love had been expressed or not.

Without realizing anyone had entered the room, she heard footsteps and the unplugging of the machines in the room. Suddenly, a male spoke into the silence of the hospital room, "Time of death 2:46 PM."

Derek Shepherd gently picked Meredith up from her mother's body and carried her to a supply closet on the fourth floor. He held her tight, but was amazed to see a look of content across the blonde's face. Sighing softly, he cradled her in his arms.

"She loved me, Derek. She loved me and she's proud of me. She says I can survive this, everything. She even said she was sorry that she wasn't around all of the time," She smiled at him. "I miss her, but at least she's not suffering. Do you want to know the best part of it?"

He was confused. It was obvious that the woman wasn't happy about it, but she was okay with the finality of her mother's death. Not wanting to ruin the moment, he answered her, "What, Meredith?"

"She didn't die alone."

_fine_

A/N: Man…that was short…it's usually not this short…but I had to do that. I wanted this chapter to be purely the start of Meredith seeing that she would be okay. I moved it a lot faster than I thought I would…but I just thought that a daughter can sense when something is just _wrong _with her mom…and Meredith would know that her mother wouldn't make it past that afternoon. She just gave up all sense of obligation and did what she had to do. No one else realized that it would happen so soon.

So let me know what you think! Thank you for reading. I hope it meets expectations crosses fingers and if it doesn't, let me know what to change. Thanks guys!!!


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